Still clueless

        Despite the amount of thought and consideration I’ve put into it, I’m no closer to figuring out what I want to do with my life. I’m trying to put a positive spin on it. Because my life “timeline” was off, due to an unplanned teen pregnancy, I now have the chance to choose a career as a matured adult. I’m older, which means I know myself better. I won’t end up pouring thousands of dollars into a degree that I won’t even end up using, like so many people I know. My brother has a degree in meteorology. Know where he works? A bank. And he makes better money then if he was a meteorologist, yet it required no degree. Now, a bank job is about as far from something I’d do as it gets. If that’s something you can enjoy, more power to you. But if I tried to sit in a fluorescent lit cubicle staring at a computer screen all day, shuffling papers, I’d die. Maybe not physically but pretty close. Picture the most dramatic dying scene you’ve ever seen in a movie. That’d be my mind, stuttering too a painful over-the-top end. I’d be miserable.

    I know myself well enough to know that whatever career I choose, it needs to be something that helps me feel alive. If my mind and soul aren’t stimulated, I tend to slip into depression. Maybe something outdoors? Something that isn’t the same everyday? Everything that seems to suit those criteria requires a good psychical aptitude.  I’m not overweight, but I am a bit of a wimp (not mentally…in my mind I’m a Lora Croft/ Sara Connor hybrid…unfortunately my scrawny biceps don’t match the mind set).                 I’m kind of feeling guilty for having this dilemma in the first place. First world problems, ya know? How lucky am I, that I get to choose what I do, instead of doing what I have to, to survive? That I’m even struggling over this choice is a gift I’m grateful for. None the less, knowing how lucky I am isn’t making the decision any easier.

   I keep telling myself I’m overthinking it. But am I? Working takes up so much of our life. SO MUCH. How can I say I’m overthinking it when I know I’ll be doing it for the next 35 yrs? It better be something I can look back on, and have no regrets. 

Leave a Comment: