[346] ~*Sat – 09/01/18*~

[1:06 am]

Listening to some Prozzac right now. Haha! I was talking to my friend earlier and she mentioned something about Prozac so I was like “omg I haven’t listened to them in for ever” she had no damn clue what I was talking about. But it made me want to listen to them. I actually like their music.

So yesterday I had realized that there was this smell coming from the car. It was like a heated rubber smell but it would be on and off so I wasn’t sure if it was my car or someone else’s car. I smelled it a few times but decided to just let it go. When I got home, I was tempted to park on the side of the road just in case something was wrong with the car but ended up putting it in the driveway.

That said, today I started panicking cause first thing I smelled when I got to my first client was that heated rubber smell. I was so worried that something was wrong with the car and Mon’s a holiday so the dealership will be closed and we’re leaving for the campground on Tue. We could of always took mom-in-law’s jeep but that would cost us more on gas and it’s full of junk so I don’t even know if we’d have room in that car for our camping stuff. That said, while I was waiting for my second client, I called hub to tell him what was going on and I actually started to cry and I was shaking. This is just too much for me to handle. First my car and now this one. Is it me?! Do I not know how to drive?! Am I breaking every car I drive?! I don’t know.. My client finally got there and I was on the phone, crying. I had to pull myself together and fast. I talked to him a bit and he didn’t wanted to come out cause they are currently dealing with bedbugs and he didn’t want to risk bringing some in my car. That was very thoughtful of him and I thanked him for that cause some just don’t give a fuck and won’t tell us what’s going on as I had that happen to me before. I actually just found out when they were getting back home that they were full of bedbugs, I wasn’t a happy one.

Anyways, I was so glad he wasn’t coming out cause it gave me time to get my friend and go to the dealership. I was trying to get her to smell what I was smelling but to her, she wasn’t smelling anything. I got to the dealership and surprisingly, they took me in within half an hour. I was so glad about that but scared that they wouldn’t pin point what was the problem. I knew they had suggested that hub get the brakes serviced the last time the car was in so I figured maybe that was the prob and the guy that took my car in said it was more than likely that the problem.

Me and my friend went out for some pizza while we were waiting on the car and I had to cancel one client. I felt bad about it but hey, no car no work and it’s exactly why I don’t want to be doing what I am doing right now. This just totally proved my point. The girl at the office didn’t seem happy cause I had went to the dealership but dude, I smelled something wrong and I’m leaving for vacation first thing next week so what other choice did I have?! 

I was told the brakes were the problem which costed me $227. Arg! Another expense that wasn’t part of my budget but I’m trying to tell myself that it was something that was already mentioned to hub so it’s something that needed to be done. The back brakes needs to be done as well but he said we could wait until our next oil change or tires swap for the winter. He also said that there was a weird substance in the wheel well and that he cleaned it off. He has no clue what that was as it looked like oil but not really oil and it smelled really weird. He asked me where I drove and I really have no clue how that got there.

I was about half an hour late for my last client but that was okay cause I kept him an extra half hour to make sure I wasn’t losing any more hours. I was glad to have the car fix and only lose two hours in the end. I was panicking so bad cause of the car and just couldn’t wait.

I got home and saw that there was five lil spots of oil on the driveway. Arg! It came from exactly where the front wheel was parked and that dude said there was a weird oil on that wheel well. That said, it prob just happened yesterday cause it didn’t show up on the driveway before. It’s weird that I didn’t see it in the morning when I was backing up as I had been checking everywhere I’d park to see if the car was leaking and if that could be the reason to the smell. Don’t know how I missed those but I surely didn’t miss them when I got back. My OCD is being a big problem right now cause of those. I actually took the hose and tried to wash them off with water which I damn know won’t work but I’m still trying. While it’s wet I don’t see if cause the pavement is all the same color. I told hub it was time to seal the driveway so then I wouldn’t see the spots anymore. He told me the driveway already looked very awful so those spots were nothing which is totally true but OCD is OCD. Blah!

I can sleep in tomorrow as my first client cancelled. That said, I’m paid to sleep. Woohoo! This is when I get confused about getting a new job. It’s still a back and forth but I think in general it’s more of a “time to get a new job” thing but then I get some cancellation where I can stay home, sleep and be paid and I’m like “gah! I won’t get to do this anymore”. Then I think about how it’s prob the only reason why I would want to keep the job right at this moment so it’s not worth it but come on, sleep in and be paid for it, who wouldn’t want that. Arg! I talked about it all with another worker today and she was pretty much on my side and starting to think the same. To be fair, she hasn’t been doing this job for a year yet. I felt so bad for saying all I was saying cause I felt like I was discouraging her and making her not like the job place and it wasn’t my intention. She kept telling me that I wasn’t but I still felt bad for talking like I did although it helped me realize that I was right to be thinking about another job cause of all the conditions that revolves around it. Yes it’s something I love doing and would want to keep doing but all of what comes with it seems to weight it down now a day.

So yea, I’m still very confused on this one but I’m trying to take it one day at a time and see where I end up. I’m just glad vacation is coming up cause gosh do I ever need it. I need to run away and forget about my whole life for a while. Well, beside my husband of course since we’re going away to spend time together so I guess I can’t forget about ALL of my life. Haha!


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