[348] ~*Mon – 09/03/18*~

[1:09 am]

It’s late and I should probably be in bed right now as we’re leaving for the campground tomorrow. We won’t be leaving until afternoon so it’s not too bad. I packed up a few things in the car already and got our clothes packed up as well. I just need to pack what ever we have to use in the morning. I can’t believe it’s already camping time. Woohoo!

So today I went to the Casino for my interview and damn did that guy ever burst my bubble. Turn out the job was only for part time so that said, only about 20 hrs per week which I’m looking for full time but it could of always been a start. When I got to the wage part, was I ever shut down by it. I was for sure that it paid well as you’re dealing with all kind of money and it’s in the darn Casino after all but nope, it paid 12/hr which is super ridiculous to me. I’m paid more than that at the darn store. Blah! I was so very disappointing cause I was for sure that I’d be coming back from vacation to a new job. See why I hate thinking positive cause it never works out and then you’re super down about it cause you had your hopes up. I’m going back to being negative as at least that way I don’t get as bumped out when it doesn’t work out as I already expect the worse from it. 

We still stayed and ate at the buffet and then I played my free money but didn’t stop there. I wanted to play $10 of my own money but the machine wouldn’t take it so I ended up putting $20 in but wanted to take out $10 but then hub decided to push on the button so I was like “might as well play it all” but then I started winning and made it to $80 and took it out so I made $60. Woohoo! I made more money from gambling than I would of from working there for their lil $12. Pffft!

I came back home and started packing stuff in the car. I then texted our friend that is coming to feed the kids while we’re gone to make sure she was coming and knew what to do but she straight up bitched at me cause “I was telling her what to do and not saying please”. WTF! I don’t understand why she was being such a bitch to me and I just started crying. I’m already handling way too much, I didn’t need that. I straight up called my other friend to see if she couldn’t find a way to make it as she’s normally the one feeding them but she’s now without a car so can’t come. She wasn’t home so I kept talking to the other friend which we turn out making alright but gosh that was not nice at all. It was a real slap in the face. She even went and texted hub saying that I had sent her orders without a please. Come on! 

Anyways, while I was texting her I kept putting my hand in my hair and gosh it’s so greasy. It’s only been four days since the last wash and I normally can last up to 7-10 days. It was already feeling greasy yesterday and I really don’t understand why my hair is being this way. That said, I looked up online and I started reading a few different sites and it says that stress can cause your hair to be greasy which would make total sense as my hair is never this way and I’ve been very stressed out these past few weeks.

I really didn’t wanted to wash my hair cause that’s just making my color fade even faster but I had too cause I didn’t want to bring my shampoo and conditioner to the campground and I knew I wouldn’t make it till Fri so I ended up washing my hair. It feels much better but even with the wash it doesn’t really feel 100%. I just hope my life will get back on track real soon so I won’t have to be stressed out like this all the time. My pink is very faded so it will be terrible by the time I go back cause I still have a month to go. Bleh!

I still need to shave my legs and I really don’t want to be doing that. Being a woman sucks. I could always wait tomorrow or at the campground but I rather do it tonight so I guess that’s what I shall do after I’m done with this entry. I wasn’t gonna write tonight but decided to do so since I’m not sure if I’ll have time while we’re camping as our rule is always no electronics while we’re out there.

I’ve applied for yet another job today. I don’t know if I could handle it, seems like a lot to me but I still applied cause it pays $24/hr and it’s a social worker job but they are not asking for the association, as far as I can tell they just want the degree. Maybe it could be my way into things cause it’s with the hospital so I could make my way into the association with this job. I have big hopes but we all know that never goes well with me but I’m still sorta hopeful cause it’s all I can do. I just wish so very hard that it won’t take me too much time to find something else cause I really don’t want to come back to having to use my car for work, I just can’t handle it anymore and it’s stressing me way too much. I need to think about my health. I keep trying to mention going on EI to hub but he doesn’t seem to want me to go on it, it’s like he doesn’t realize how much this is affecting my health. Mom also doesn’t understand. Why can’t people that I love the most understand what I’m going thought? They should really have something where we get paid to have a “time off” from work so you don’t push yourself and have a breakdown cause I really feel that’s where I am headed right now. I see myself ending up in the hospital cause of all of this and that’s not good. I’m trying very hard to prevent it, especially that this new job I just applied for is for addiction and mental health as well as prevention of suicide so yea, can’t start that job if I’m there myself.

It’s super late and I really don’t want to go shave those legs of mine right now but I think I should cause I know I won’t have time tomorrow as I know I will be sleeping in and I still have a lot to get ready.

Let’s hope that once I set foot in that campground that I will be able to forget about life for the few days that we will be there. That I’ll be able to enjoy myself and my husband.


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