My best friend, Stacey, has died. 

She was recovering from a successful surgery, last I heard from her mom. But this afternoon I got a call from her brother, he said she went into cardiac arrest and died suddenly. 

Just out of the blue.

She was in the hospital, she had to have emergency surgery, but she was expected to make a recovery. Then she dies today.

Why? Why did she have to die?
She was my best friend, she was my best friend. 

She was so sweet and kind. She had the most loving heart, always thought the best of people. And then she met that fucking bastard. And he took her away from us, and he even took her life 


I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown at any minute.

I just feel like I’m being swallowed up by everything.

this is why i dont want to fucking live so wise. because in the end you are left with nothing. everyone always fucks you over. you give your best to people, you foolishly believe they are your friends, lovers, etc. but they are your enemies. they take the best of you and leave you with hatred and resentment. this is why i cant fucking stand living anymore. if it wasn’t for the love i have towards my parents, towards my mother i would have killed myself a long time ago. i just dont fucking see the point in living. everyone fucks you over. this life is meaningless. its just random chaotic bullshit. and for what? we’re gonna turn to dust anyway. we don’t mean anything. we are the colony of bacteria on a rock in a meaningless existence. and we think we fucking matter. but we dont. nothing. not even our pain matters. at what point is it the sane thing to do ? to kill yourself and stop this fucking simulation from continuing? that is the only thing worth examining. 

i just dont see tomorrow being any different from the next 50 years. and i want to stop wasting my pain.

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