Last night was the worst one. I don’t know why I can’t seem to shake these nightmares. I wish I would’ve talked more about about being scared. I really like just talking about random stuff but I really wanted to talk talk. I wish I was out already. I just want to breathe and start on my journey already. Formulate my plans better and focus on them. Make my own space. It’s all so hard and seems impossible but I can’t stop trying. Icing forward so I can have that space of my own. I can’t stop screaming on the inside. Leave me alone. I’m sorry. Let me go. And then other things. Let me take care of you. My heart hurts so bad when I think about that. I don’t want to be selfish and keep yearning to be the one to do so but I’ve dreamt about that since the beginning. I wish I could help give you what you deserve. I’m so sorry. I’m so messed up and surgery is making me even worse. Am I doing the right thing???? I’m so scared.