I didn’t text Greg yesterday, and surprise, I didn’t hear from him. I’m tired of this shit. He could fucking say what are you doing or some shit. He doesn’t care about me. I need to get that through my fat head and just stop. I think maybe some people are meant to just be alone and I may be one of them. Yes, that’s what I think. He has lost interest in me a long time ago, but I just kept clutching on like a dumb ass. I should have stopped this shit back in May when he stopped showing interest in me. I guess I thought maybe he was doing it because he found out he was sick and he was not expecting me to deal with it. Well, I have bent over goddam backwards for him all goddam summer and he can’t even say I’m happy to see you or I miss you or you look pretty. Not a goddam thing. Fuck. Fuck. I need to focus on getting my fucking life together. I am in a shit ton of debt, I need to be worried about that- not a fucking boyfriend.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."