8 Days, that’s how long its been since we talked and its killing me to the core. I want to check on up on you and see how you are doing. The drive home from Austin was rough (driving is always rough cause it makes me think) and when I think its usually about you. You were an amazing girlfriend and I am so sorry that I pushed you away like I did…there was so much going on with me that I did not even know.
The ride home wasn’t spent entirely thinking of you…I cried a lot thinking about Brandon, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten my closure or acceptance that he is in fact gone and will never be here again… I cried a cry that I don’t think I have ever cried before. One of those cries you feel down to your core…it felt so good but bad at the same time. I ended up asking his mom what actually happened to his body (i did not know until this day) come to find out he was cremated..so I don’t know how to approach telling him goodbye. I would feel terrible crying in his mom’s house…
Realized that I need to get closure with Brandon