09/05/18 — Spend the Night (NSFW)

I’m so exhausted today. I think I got about four hours of sleep throughout the night, to be completely honest. Those hours were tossing and turning, especially since there was another human being in my bed with me. He did his best to calm me, and cuddled when I was anxious. I’m starting to think he cares or that I’m just overly anxious for no reason. 

Yesterday after work, he came over and we started watching anime. Chance was teasing, because he knew a guy was over, and he could see what we were watching on his server. And we made out and groped. And he tasted like middle school when we would get high in the woods behind the neighborhood and steal kisses without Samantha knowing. The nostalgia dulled my senses until he was inside of me, and I couldn’t stay quiet. I couldn’t look at him the first time, everything was too overwhelming. There was a lot of sensory happening, and my brain was on overdrive. He found my sweet spots without hesitation and I came, one, two, four, seven, time after time. And he kept riding it through, pushing me through for each one, begging with each thrust for me to squeeze tighter around him. Eventually came a point where the orgasm was so powerful, it convulsed my whole body, and my brain took that opportunity to throw every built up emotion out and I slipped from bliss into a panic attack. He paused, unsure for a moment, before jumping in to help calm me down. I asked for a minute and he laid beside me, not saying a word, and waited until I was ready to talk and tell him I was okay. He didn’t ask questions about it, but he knew. Another hour passed before we started again, and I rode him. Goosebumps ran down my back every time he gripped on hard and dug his nails in. I never knew my back could be so sensitive. When I sat up to push my hair out of my face, and kept going while I did, his gasps of pleasure made me want to continue sitting up until my knees gave up. We kept going until Monica called, wanting to smoke. And when we got back, and got ready for bed, we went again for another hour, until I couldn’t produce anything anymore and we went to sleep. This morning, alarms went off early and we did a bad thing, playing a dangerous game. It was more of a blur this time, in our half-asleep states, but I remember the pleasure rippling through me. I kept quiet this time, focusing on helping him finally finish. I wanted to give him the pleasure that he had given me so many times last night. When it finally happened, we laid there for a few more minutes before getting up for the day. 

I missed cuddling all night, but forgot that I move too much for all-night cuddles. My sleep is too fitful these days for me to comfortably sleep with someone else. I hope he got enough sleep last night. 

I’m worried about Chance today. I know I can’t do much for him at this point, but I’m still worried. Hopefully he’ll feel better soon. 

When do I admit to Bulbasaur that he’s the love of my life? 

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