Why is Listening so Hard?

When someone shows you who they really are, boy you better believe it! I have finally listened to this advice wholeheartedly. Dealing with being separated and pretty much raising my daughter by myself, my eyes are opening up more and more everyday. My husband, or ex-husband, or baby daddy or who ever he is at this point has shown me who he was from the very beginning especially as a father. I use to believe in the whole excuse of his son being in a different state making it hard to be apart of his life and the fact that the mother is not so cooperative doesn’t help. So I really believed that he tried even with the distance in between them. That was at the beginning of our relationship now fast forward to me with his four year old daughter and we live in the same city but might as well be living in a different city or state! I don’t push the whole spend time with your child issue because at the end of the day if she was a priority it would show and he would see her more than just once a month or only for a few minutes or hour at a time. It bothered me at the beginning of our separation that he wasn’t making our daughter a priority and then when he would have her she was around all these different women he called “friends” but now I see that this is the same pattern with his son and I should not be surprised. 

Anyways, I am working on forgiveness and letting things that are beyond my control GO! I can not change him and even though I know he has a good side to him it is not enough for me to stick around and be treated as an afterthought or being disrespected. Do you know how hard it is for me to just let him slide and not say anything when he acts shitty?! I mean it is so hard but I realize that approach does not help. So I am trying another approach……praying and letting God handle it. Not for him to change for me but for him to realize that he is only hurting himself and his children in the process by avoiding help and taking on things on his own. 

I am learning everyday that his actions are speaking loud and clear that this is not what he is ready for in his life right now. I cant help but to feel that I have wasted 5 years of my life with a man that was unsure of the role of a father and husband and wasn’t willing to meet me half way. During this relationship I have realized that I have missed being truly loved by someone. I know what that was like and have been blessed to experience that. I have faith that one day I will find that again. Faith…….That is a heavy word and it weighs a lot. One step and one day at a time. 

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