[350] ~*Tue – 09/11/18*~

[12:47 am]

Gosh! I’m starting to feel the stress again. I’m back to work in two days and I have an interview tomorrow morning so it’s making the whole thing real and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just so confused right now and wish someone could give me the right path to take but all people can do is give me some advice and for me to decide where I want to go but I just don’t know where that is right now. I’m always so set on what I want and then I start doubting cause I’m scared to be making a mistake that I will regret but I have to make decisions.

I’m also so fucked on my sleeping pattern as I’ve been sleeping so late every days. It’s all I’ve been doing during my time off, sleep. I slept until about 3:30 pm today and I hate myself for it cause I still haven’t mowed the lawn and still haven’t cleaned the suggies cage and like I’ve said, I only have two days left. I also still would want to clean the cold room but I have a feeling I won’t be getting to that as I still haven’t even put away our clothes from camping. The two bags are still at the door in the kitchen. That is so unlike me. I normally have to put everything away as soon as we get back home or at worse, the next day. It’s been there since Fri. This is insane and I’m scared I’m heading toward a depression or something. I need to kick my ass and get myself into gear cause I can’t get down that road.

I just wish we could of stayed at the campground and not come back for like a month. Campground is my escape place and I just want to go right back there.

I also have no darn idea what’s going on with my car so that’s not helping. Although I keep telling myself that even if I do get my car back, I don’t think I should keep going with my current job as much as I like it and as much as it will break me to do something that isn’t in my field, it’s just not worth it anymore. If I look at the big picture, my job is shit and isn’t doing anything for me. I think it’s time that I think of me although on the other hand, I’m not sure I want to settle for any job. I’m telling myself it’s just for now and not for ever. Just in the time where I figure things out and at the very worse, I can always go back to my job, I will only have to build a new case load as they will be giving my clients to other workers. I want to go in and explain myself and my situation to my supervisor and see if they can hold on to my clients for maybe two months so I can figure things out but I’m sure they won’t be able to do so. I’m still gonna go in to give them a heads up that I will be leaving shortly. I won’t be leaving, leaving, as I still want to do some clients but I won’t be able to do all my hours anymore as I can’t be using our new car for this job as there is no safety for it and I refuse to use a car that I am still paying for to do this job.

I just hope so very badly that this will all work out and that I’ll be able to breath and not stress so much for a lil while. I’m just so unsure about the calling center thing but that’s the best I can do right now as anything else won’t pay enough. Stupid student loan!

So anyways, today I slept till very late and then we went to the Casino for the buffet with the friends that we had went bowling with on Sat. That’s pretty much what we did today. Our vacation is just so damn boring. We’re both exhausted and this is what we’re getting for it. I don’t know how we’re gonna manage to go back to work cause I sleep till late afternoon and hub has been going to bed at night when he’s supposed to be working during that time. Like right now, he’s in bed. Arg!

It’s also our wedding anniversary today (since I’m writing past midnight) and I really don’t think we’ll be doing much. I had planned for us to go for a massage or something but I doubt we’ll even go. We do want to go to the movies but we’re bringing my friend along cause it’s a scary movie and we want to laugh at her. We’re so mean! I just been waiting for so very long for a scary movie to play in the moving seats to see her reaction and of course they get one during out anniversary time. We could of went another day but it’s so expensive that I want to go on the cheap night which is on our anniversary. Oh well. It’s only a day like any other in the end. We don’t need a special day to show our love or go on a date. If I would of took the job that I was first meant to take last week, I’d be starting on our anniversary so there we go.


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