It’s 11:17pm and I’m still awake. My mind is racing with thinking about moving and selling a bunch of stuff before I move. I have my bed sold, and I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or not. I offered it to my brother and to Bethany and neither one wanted it, so I guess I have to sell it. There’s not much sense in piling it up against the wall at Mother’s house somewhere. Might as well sell it. Maybe that will help me with my fresh start. New bed, new life. Moving is really what is saving my sanity right now. It gives me something to think about besides Greg. We last texted last Monday. I will not text him first no matter what happens. I have my response at the ready if he happens to text me. I don’t even want to see him anymore unless he changes his behavior significantly. I don’t see that happening. Even if he wasn’t sick, he’s still way messed up on his dead wife. She’s been dead for 13 years and he has never moved on from that. I can always find the most emotionally unavailable man in any situation. I am not even going to try to date until I get moved and myself straightened out in my new place. That will take months!
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."