[351] ~*Wed – 09/12/18*~

[8:33 pm]

Why do I have to feel like such a shit right now? I didn’t even wanted to get out of bed today. I just wanted to stay in bed until tomorrow morning. I also really don’t want to go back to work and that’s so very totally unlike me as I am a work alcoholic. I’m still debating so hard but I think I need to just grab what I have right now and go for it cause I’m obviously getting unhappy where I am. It sucks cause I used to love my job so much but for the past month I’ve tried to bring all the bad from it so I would just leave and now I resent it so much that I just don’t want to go back. If I could afford an extra week off I would totally take it so I would just go back to a new job. Arg! I hope I’ll be feeling a bit better tomorrow once I’m back at work but I dread it so much.

I forced myself out of bed at like 3:30 pm cause I had to pee and figured I should prob stay up cause I had some things to get done. I started cleaning the stuff from the suggies cage and hub decided to do it which was very nice of him. I totally didn’t expect that. I then went and mowed the front lawn which took me longer than I thought but wasn’t too too bad. I then took a lil break and went back to finish the back but that was just horrible. I’m in pain right now. I don’t know what I did but I think I hurt myself when we went out to bowling on Sat. It was getting better but from mowing the lawn, it totally hurts and I have a hard time walking right now. That’s not good considering I need to walk and get in and out of the car for my work. See, right there. Another reason why I’d be totally fine with just going to a work place right now and staying there and even better, I sit in front of a PC and don’t move. That sounds like total paradise to me right now.

My body just feel so sick and I hate it. Totally hate it. I know I’m heading into depression and I really need to do something not to get there. My friend told me I sounded really depressed today. Not good.

All that said, I need to go talk to my current job tomorrow and tell them what’s going on. I wanted to do that today but I slept too late. But I really think that for now, the best decision for me and my life is to leave. I hope I can make it work that I can still do a few clients but in general, I cannot have that job as a full time job anymore. I am very unsure if I’ll be able to keep the store but at the very least, I hope I can make it work so that I can at least have nine hours of clients and that would cover the store part and I should be making the same that I was currently making with working full time with clients and my day at the store. I know the Monday was bringing me extra money but I’m not even considering that right now cause I just want to be able to live the life we are living and still have some savings and that’s it. At this moment I need to think about myself and my health.

Talking about my health, that’s another plus about getting a new job as I won’t have to deal with the sun and all that in the summer although summer is just over but yea, I think I did way too much with it this year. I’m always trying to think of others but I think it’s time I start thinking about myself and especially my health. I cannot keep putting my heatlth through this for others, I just can’t. I’m not getting any younger so I need to start taking care of myself both physically and mentally.

That said, I think my mind is made up and this calling center job is what I need right now. I just really hope I can manage it but I think it should be fine. It sounds easy enough but it’s still a calling center and I don’t know if it was the calling center thing in general that made me sick the last time or just the fact that I had to find people on the map and send them a tow truck and it was sometime hard to find where they were as they had no idea themselves. This one is just answering questions and concerns about online orders they made so it should be a bit easier to deal with.

Really there’s nothing more I can do right now as it’s the only job offer I may have and who knows when I’ll have another one so I better take it and live a day at a time and see where it leads me. I’ll keep searching and applying in the mean time but at least I’ll be “out” of my job. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up going back but at least I would of given it a try.

To come back to the suggies cage, hub was just so nice. While I went back outside to do the back yard, he washed the suggies cage. That was a super big help and I’m so thankful that he decided to help today cause I’m really not feeling.

As for last night, we went to see The Nun and took my friend with us cause we wanted to be able to laugh at her. Haha! She knew we were going to see that movie but she had no idea we were gonna sit in the moving seats which was just AWESOME. I’m so glad we ended up going cause I wasn’t too sure in the end as the reviews weren’t that great. It was also super expensive to take those seats but I begged some points from my mom so we could have free tickets. Hehe! It was totally worth it. My friend get scared so easily but normally she manage just to slap us but last night she kept screaming cause the moving seat just made it that worse for her. At one point, I was sure she was gonna walk out cause she seemed very scared. We made her sit in between me and hub so we could see her reactions and it was priceless. I’m sure she totally hates me now and won’t be coming to the movies anymore. Bouhaha! Again, totally freaking worth it. I just wish mom could of been there to enjoy it as well. As for the movie, it wasn’t as bad as people were saying. I actually enjoyed it.

Me and hub didn’t really get to do anything special on our anniversary but there’s plenty other days. We’ll need to make time for us to go on a date. Maybe next Tue as it might be my last day off before a very long time. We shall see.


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