[352.1] ~*Thu – 09/13/18*~

[10:38 pm]

WHY?! Why and just WHY?!

I went over to talk with my friend and she said I should wait until tomorrow before telling the office I was thinking of leaving since the guy hadn’t responded to my email asking him if I was getting the job or not. That said, I totally didn’t follow her advice and ended up going to the office and telling them cause it was eating me alive. I needed to let them know what was going on.

I told my story to the girl, she was very sad to hear that I would be “leaving” and said to let her know as soon as I knew about the job. It was very hard to go to the office and tell them about all this. I also decided to start telling my clients that I’ll be leaving them soon so it’s not a shock to them next week or in the upcoming weeks if ever I don’t get this job but another one. I told one client and she was very sad to hear about it. I told her that I was gonna try and keep a few clients so I wouldn’t totally be gone. Of course she said she was very flexible and willing to take any hours I’d be able to give her so that’s good as she’s one I would very much like to keep as she’s also helping me out. We have “talks” a lot of time and those always helps me out. Like today, she tried to help me make up my mind and see where I wanted to go and all so it was very nice although I should be the one helping her but hey.

When I got back home from work, I checked the phone and saw that dad-in-law had called so I was scared to call him back but I did. He asked me how I was doing and I told him I could be better but I was still doing okay. He asked me if it would make me feel better to know that I’d be getting my car back. OMG YES! He said he had the whole car checked up and had one thing fix on it and that the other thing didn’t needed fixing. I would still hear the clunking noise from time to time or what ever but it was totally safe to drive with. It’s very hard to get to the broken part to fix but it’s nothing dangerous, it’s just some wear and tear. He also said that he went out and bought a can of paint and is getting all my scratches and missing paint spots done. This is what I sorta don’t like. They always just take decisions for us and go ahead with things instead of asking us first. I did wanted to get that done but I would of prob went to a real body shop to make sure it was done right and that the color totally matched but I guess this is gonna be free and I’m getting my car back so I shouldn’t complain. I just really don’t like the fact that they go ahead and do things without asking. Asking first if I would like them to get that done would of been nice of them. Oh well.. I can’t believe I’m getting my car back. I’m so very excited and that took a chunk of stress off of me. BUT.. and yes I say but, it did bring another stress as now I will have my car so not having a car isn’t an excuse for me to leave my current job anymore. If I would of waited until tomorrow like my friend had told me, I wouldn’t be in this new situation of mine. She said I kept digging my hole deeper and deeper.

I had already decided that even if I was getting my car, I still didn’t want to do my current job as full time. It’s confusing me thought as I could totally stay at my job now that I’m getting my car back but I don’t know, I still want to sorta leave. Not totally leave but leave and try something else, something where I don’t need to use my car and drive other people around all day. When I was stuck in traffic earlier, my first thought was “how nice it will be not to be stuck in this traffic every day anymore and running late all the time”. I really just want my main job to be where I drive myself to work and stay there, not have to travel anymore. It’s not just wear and tear on the car, it’s also wear and tear on my own body with this getting in and out of the car, walking here and there. I know walking is good for me but with my foot sometime I get in pain.

That said, I’m not sure what to do anymore as I already told the office I was leaving cause of not having a car and now I don’t want them to find out I still have my car and say that I was lying about having to leave cause of my car. I also don’t really want to stay. I do want to go try something new. It’s even better now cause I do have something to fall back on if it doesn’t work as I do have my car so I can work full time if needed. The only thing, I might not have the same clients and it may take a while before I get all my hours back but I think it’s something I’m willing to risk right now cause I already wanted to leave. I already didn’t wanted to work on the road anymore even before my car had problems. So yea, I think I’m doing the right thing by giving this calling center a try, if ever I get the job cause I still don’t know.

I’m still wondering how I should go about it cause of course I’ll need to let the office know I did get my car back cause like I’ve said, I wouldn’t want them to find out I still have it and say I lied about it to get out of my job. I think the best is to get to this new job, wait a week or two and then tell the office that I did get my car back, that my in-laws decided to surprise me and get it fix for me but since I already started the new job that I will give it a shot. That way, they know I have my car back and I still get to try this new job and see where it leads me and I’ll get to keep some clients. 

I’m still confused and I’ll prob redoubt all of this tomorrow morning but I think this is the way I’m taking. I mean, my in-laws came and got the car like three weeks ago and it’s just getting fix NOW so I think there’s a reason to it. If it would of gotten fix earlier, I wouldn’t of went out for a new job so for me to know about getting my car back AFTER I told the office I had to leave is a way of telling me that I need to try this new job.

I’m gonna call my mom when she’s done work and tell her about it but I’m scared of what she will be telling me. I hope she will tell me that I still need to go to this new job and give it a try, that way it will make me feel better about my decision. Hub already said I should still give the new job a try cause who knows, I might like it there. It’s not something I ever planned on doing but as much as I love my job (not the whole job I guess, more like I love working with the people I get to work with), I don’t think I want to do the whole using your own car anymore. At least not full time. I just hope schedule wise it will all work out.

Hope, hope, hope, it’s all I can do.


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