im so lost

i just dont know what to do anymore or how to even feel. after almost 5 moths being separated after he left me for her. all of a sudden after being ut of town for work for about a month he wants to come home..when he left they were together but him and i never did stop hooking up but the day before he left he sat in front of me and said when i come home i want to be with you nad be a family agian. all of a sudden hes in love with me agian and im so confused..while he was gone he broke up with her started getting closer to me as friends then i felt something was weird. i found out he was back talking to her and saying he was coming home to her all while saying the same thing to me. i found another girl on his page and found out they were talking as well but me and him werent together so what could i do but i just asked him about it and he told me to fuck off and get out of his fucking life. he has treated me so bad while we were separated but i was always there for him…fast forward to him coming home..i gave him a ride and we somehow ended up hooking up. he then started asking me to be with again and for a week i said no. i had ended up becoming friends with his ex the one he left me for…that 1st night he was home i had her come over and confront him and we were all drinking…it was kinda weird but he told her it was over…i ended up going through his phone and found some text from a girl from where he was working at over 1000 miles away so i called her and he told her he was going to move up there and get them a place and she was the love of his life…all while texting me and the girlfriend. this man is telling me how much he loves me but how could he after choosing her over me 4 times in 4 months and the way he treated me was awful…hes out of town for work agian and i find myself wondering if hes talking to other girls and what not..4 years i have been through hell with him and i just am so lost…i promised myself i would never go back but here i am back with him and questioning everything…i dont think he loves me or anyone for that matter…the ex just told me she is jealous of me because i get to be with him and she dont and i dont know why she would think that..this is hell…i love him but idk if im in love with him…im so lost and confused 

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