wow, it’s been so long since i last used the words “happy” and “i am” together, but here i am.
i am not really going to go into details about why i am so happy, i simply am and i really have missed this feeling. i feel refreshed in some kind of way.
also, before getting deeper down in my shit, i am a female, currently questioning it a lot but yeah, i feel comfortable calling myself a female as i was born with it. this is supposed to be like a side note, or something. so my readers, if there are any of them, can understand me better.
anyways. today was nice, even though my sister left her room for like 3 times only today because she still didn’t make up with mom, it was alright. i was home. no one bothered me as i did my thing, it was peaceful. though it felt a little lonely without my sister’s company, i guess i really needed to be alone at some point.
my best friend whom i met while i was a freshman in high school, i am a sophomore now, moved to another city and i feel very sad about it. many people thought we looked “cute” as a couple, but i never really saw him as a romantic interest, i don’t think i will ever. i hope i don’t break his heart by calling him “bro” when we text without knowing. i just don’t really want to ruin another friendship with those “crush” things.
talking about crushes, i think i am slowly developing one lately. though it’s not logical because i really don’t know the said boy a lot and we barely talk, i just can’t help myself. whenever a basic interaction happens my heart beats a lot faster than it normally does. but i learned how to deal with crushes that are not meant to happen so i will be alright. i just hope they see me, or will see me as a friend some time.
it’s a long distance “relationship” anyway, there is no way he agrees to “go out” with me but… anyways, i will just busy myself with these feeling for a while so i can be distracted and not think about my problems. having a small crush on someone never hurts anyone, right?
i have been ignoring the texts my best friends send on the group chat because i really do not feel like talking to anyone, you know? sometimes i just want to turn off my phone and stare at the ceiling with music playing in the background so i can let myself rest a little. i am going to see them in 2 days or something anyway, i am sure they will understand why i don’t reply. they have known me for 6 years now, they know me too well to get mad at me for being a bad, bad texter.
i’ve been really into lo-fi lately which is surprising because i usually do not listen to that genre, but it is not bad! i actually like it a lot.
i’ve been judging the way i write journals lately, too. sometimes it feels like the way i write is too… wack to be published online. but i am not forcing anyone to read, am i? it’s alright if people ignore me, i just want to publish my thoughts somewhere so it doesn’t feel like i am drowning in my own thoughts.
anyways, i guess that’s all for today.
it would be really nice if you left a comment because i like to communicate with people about what they think, or what they are doing. you could just leave a comment saying “hey i like apples.” and i would appreciate it. who doesn’t like apples? i like them.
i must say good bye now… i really do not know what to write about anymore so… see you all later!
stay alive and most importantly love yourself & be positive so you can be happy!