The Embarassing Things I Don’t Talk About But Like I Really Want To

Today and early yesterday have been pretty good and I just want to ramble about some mostly good things.

I have so much to say about how much I just freaking love everybody. I just want to give my friend, whom we’ll call Wren for the sake of privacy, hugs a kisses all the fucking time and he’s just like, “Stop being such a fag, Maxwell,” but I’ll fag as much as I fucking wANT TO and no one’s going to stop me. Among my triangle of friends including myself, I’m the only straight one while Wren is the only entirely white kid and that by itself produces the best jokes. I want to give almost everybody bear hugs because that just feels really nice. But if somebody else initiates the hug It’s just going to turn into a fistfight because I’m hypocritical and bitch, I was not prepared for being ferociously milked of my guts. Wow, that was horrible, I’m never going to pair those words together again. My other friend, whom we’ll call Zane, is also a pretty sound guy. I only met Wren because of him and now we’re not as close as we use to be which makes me kind of sad, but that’s OK, I will lose all my friends eventually. Zane is the cutest little grunge child in the world and everybody that knows him can agree with me. I love them so fucking much that I can’t even express it enough.

I had Confirmation today, it’s like a Bible class thing that the Lutheran Church uses to confirm you into the church or something like that. I don’t really know much about the thing itself and I’m too afraid to ask my parents because it’s just one of those things I should already know by now. Google in this situation is a friend. I honestly doubt the existence of God and it’s probably disrespectful in some way or another to be going to the communion table during a service, but it’s not like I can tell my parents unless I want a stake through my heart. Our pastor is pretty chill, though, and doesn’t smash the Bible down anybody’s throat, but he does do his job very well at the same time which is actually amazing.

There is this girl who I gave my email because I couldn’t remember my phone number at the time and she really wanted to be friends, but now she won’t leave me alone and has blatantly declared that she has a crush on me. I’ve never had a crush or a partner before so I don’t know if taking a hint is as easy as it sounds. She asked me out once a couple weeks ago (which was like less than a half of a month after I had first met her) and I thought about saying yes for kicks, but that’s just rude to her if it means absolutely nothing to me. She’s really nice, but she makes me really fucking nervous to talk to because her mother is my dad’s coworker and I am afraid that if I set her off then her mother will give him a lot shit he doesn’t need right now and it’ll be all my fault.

Last night I was trying to figure out how to do something that most people have know since they were, I don’t know, four-six and I just straight-up couldn’t do it. It wasn’t even that difficult of a task and I still can’t believe my inability to do simple things correctly. In result, silly dramatic me, started freaking out and hid in the bathroom crying about it. It was really nothing and I need to stop breaking down about such trivial matters.

Well, I guess I’m done with my babbling now, hopefully it wasn’t too unbearable. Good luck at getting through existence and all its obstacles, whether they’re small or not. Congrats on still be alive right now, too, especially if things are really hard for you currently because it requires a lot of strength and bravery not to give up and just die or entirely isolate yourself. Life gets better, I’m sure!

P.S.
Thanks for your comments, Dakota. I don’t think it’s creepy LOL, I do it too to yours and a few others’ pages. Thank you so much for what you said, it means so much! And I’m glad I could make you happy. Again, thank you! You seem like a really good person.

One thought on “The Embarassing Things I Don’t Talk About But Like I Really Want To”

  1. this is so adorable, i didn’t even finish but the line ”but I’ll fag as much as I fucking wANT TO and no one’s going to stop me” makes me so happy. ”’m hypocritical and bitch, I was not prepared for being ferociously milked of my guts.”
    i love your personality. what were you trying to do yesterday?

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