I admit that I have given my power away to this situation, and that things have become unmanageable because of it:
So, I have decided it was time to work on myself. I found a 12 step recovery program for victims of abuse that focuses on internal healing. The first step is to admit that I have given my power away.
I give my power away when I allow someone to reel me in and pull me into circular arguments.
I give my power away when I allow someones opinion of me/what I like/what I do dictate my self-worth and/or happiness.
I give my power away when I do not stand up for myself and allow others to mistreat me, just to keep the peace.
I give my power away when I allow others to decide my worth.
These are things I have to work on continuously. It is easy for someone to take advantage of me, because I let them. It is not because I am weak, it is because I allow it. That is sometimes hard for me to accept. I made choices that allows others to hurt me. I did not stop it. I did not nip it in the bud. Instead, I chose to remain in relationships that hurt me. I made excuses for them. I covered it up. I lied to the faces of those who showed any concerns. I made those choices, there was no gun to my head.
This does not take away from the abusers actions. This does not make their behavior any less disgusting. This does not excuse the awful things they did and continue to do. This does not make them right. This just puts me back into control. It is actually a liberating feeling for me. I am not a victim.