I’ve changed a lot compared to my old journals. I really didn’t believe it until I opened up this journal again after 9 months but 9 months ago, I haven’t had met him yet. I can tell you that I’ve changed a lot during the months that have passed. I met someone, not your typical someone. I met him through a friend and the minute we met, we clicked. The arrangement was, whenever he was nearby the area, he would be with me. No commitment, just intimacy in a different level. The thing is, we didn’t become close in the format where people want to date in the end rather then we just clicked. You know how there is a saying stating everyone is weird in there own way well, this person is in the same level of weirdness. He has helped me gain confidence, a better sense of self awareness and also motivation – “a pusher” if you will. the thing that blows my mind is how i dated someone for 4 years and has never made me feel that way this new person did in matter of months. I don’t know my effect on him, he’s never really told me, he’s never really opened up in the sense of him and I relation but he has opened up about his past, his present events, family and friends, we even traveled together one weekend and also of his future goals – what he wishes to accomplish. I can trust him and he’s proven himself, he’s a couple years older then me but he also taught me that maturity doesn’t come with age. I tell you this because I would mention how he is more mature then me because he’s older and he reminds me that, that is not it, it’s experience. Not every case is the same – everyone has a different story. As of now we don’t only carry a great relationship and understanding of each other as a person but he also understands me intimately. He takes the time to understand what I like, what I don’t like, what part I don’t like only because I’m self conscious. He knows how to understand people. He is a really great human being. I told him, no matter what, I don’t want to loose him as a friend. Even if the amazing “love making” stops, even if he ends up finding someone he wants, even if I end up falling for him but he doesn’t, I still want him in my life. I rarely find people I get along with so well so rarely. You know that episode of Wizard of Waverly place when both Alex and Justin like the same female and that is super rare because they are super different and that girl that they both liked a friend and would fight about ended up being an elf (in that show elfs were naturally liked by everyone because that just was in the show, no explanation there) – The point of this is, maybe he is an elf. He tells me whole heartily what his strengths and weaknesses are physically and in a way mentally. How can someone know themselves so well? I tend to not touch the subject because I know that I will self degrade myself and probably end up in a ball crying/sobbing. Yeah even the thought scares me but one day I will. With time. Well that is all I have for today. Well one more thing, I came to a coffee shop to write this and they only took cash – long story short, it was the owner who attended me and ended up giving me the coffee for free and said to simply comeback with cash next time. He’s a great human being. We need more people like that in the world. 

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