Unsettling feeling.

Trying to figure out what’s going on with me   I still feel the heavy sadness and hopelessness and overwhelmed but I feel like something has really changed.  In a sense I’m at peace with some things maybe. Or just excited about focusing more on where I want to be and feeling ready to get things started and bust my butt to make things happen and get to where I want to be.  I’m having so many feelings come at me and circle around inside.  I’m exhausted and need to recharge.   Out there  why am I so tempted to go get lost in it still? I feel so confident and good about my potential and my future and myself   why am I being forced to fight such strong darkness everyday……like fighting myself?I know I can survive ibhave until now  but it only takes one time one moment of weakness to end it all and it can happen so fast it’s terrifying  I’m not afraid to be alone   I’m afraid to be alone with this deep evil cloud looming in the background.  Waiting for a glimpse of sadness in me so it can pour down all the bad thoughts that take me to the end so quickly.  I’m so strong.  But I don’t know how long I can stay up. 

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