A blank slate

For years I’ve trained and prepared myself for the adult life I wanted. My parents always stressed that what I do in the present will influence in my future, and to have a good future, I needed to plan now. I’m now 25, engaged, with a job in my field straight out of University. Yet after having everything I dreamed of having at this age, I still feel… not so much empty, but dull. My work I aspired to do has become a daily battle. When I’m not working, I am lost in what to occupy my time with. Friends is such a foreign concept since I’ve dedicated my focus to having this marvelous future, I have no one to call for a coffee just to chat. Even if I am blessed with someone to chat with other than my fiance, I have nothing to say. My brain is filled with information about my field, my future, and the things I need to do to get there. I dont have interests which spark conversation. I dont have knowledge on current events or pop culture to hold a debatable conversation. I’m feeling like a blank machine in the system of life. Not thinking, or breathing the air. Just a vessel filling a position in life having no effect on anyone or anything around me. I miss 2 years ago when a I could do was smell the pleasures of life. How the world intrigued me beyond belief and I was interested in being a part of every moment. Where did that person go?

One thought on “A blank slate”

  1. That person is still there, the one who was intrigued and interested in the world. So, under the pressure of your parents, you’ve prepared yourself for the future. Well, now you’re there, you’re done the hard part (hard perhaps because part of you feels like you did it for them). So NOW is the time to enjoy what you worked for. You’re there. You’re here.

    Maybe part of what you miss is actually the challenge? For some, many in fact, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. If you feel that way, then consider picking another goal or two. But this time, make them enjoyable ones. Perhaps one short term, one long term. Think about something you’ll enjoy either in getting to, or in the doing. Then see what it will take to work on that. It may give you another focus again. This time though, perhaps a hobby or a craft. Not something that will feel like work.
    If that just sounds like more work, and more of what you didn’t really enjoy up to this point, then don’t do it! If you feel you have no friends, find a way to meet people. It sounds like a couple of years ago, you had nice chats at work. What happened with those? Did the people change, did you change? Perhaps suggest to coworkers going out for a drink, or dinner, or the evening. See if there’s a local gym around where you can take a fitness class and meet some people. Look at joining a volunteer organization, they too can be great ways to meet people.
    The world can be a wonderful place. Live for yourself a little now. You’ve earned it. Allow yourself to have fun. Let go of the thoughts your parents filled you with. You’re where they wanted you to be, so let the negative just slip away.

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