Sometimes I feel like I am drowning.
Last night, I had a hard time sleeping.
I couldn’t stop thinking about this guy and how it was his birthday and how anyone with a decent conscious could ever treat another human being so cruelly.
Then all these thoughts started festering in my head. AM I REALLY THAT WORTHLESS TO ANOTHER PERSON? AM I JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT? I mean I know better.
I know my worth, kind of. I mean it would be nice to get some affirmation. Quite frankly, meeting guys and tricking myself to think that this guy might be a guy I could be in a relationship with, just isn’t working out for me.
I quietly sat on my couch last night, as I tried to choke back these sneaky tears that still ended up rolling down my cheeks.
Then the flood gates opened, and I ugly cried. I mean I ugly cried. At first I thought about how pathetic I was, and then I got up and starting sketching . That led to pulling out my watercolors.
I still couldn’t sleep. All I was wanting was a warm body to just hold me close and tell me it was going to be okay.