Thursday, October 4th, 2018

Today we have midterms for out 4th period block. During 3rd period block we’ll be in 4th period so that just means I have to spend three hours in 4th period (with a forty minute break for lunch after an hour and a half). We’re just reviewing for the first half of the exam time then we are going to take our exam after lunch. My 4th period is English so we are going to be answering a lot of short answer questions. English is my least favorite subject mostly because of essays, but I still love it because I love creative writing and writing fiction novels and stories.

I decided to be weird today so in the spirit of Preppy Day at my school, I wore a cape to school. I’m actually using at as a blanket because it’s actually very cold in the room that we must take the exam in.

I talked to my friend today and last night, briefly (name will be Ava for privacy). Ava was trying to help me. I live in the southern United States and they live in northern Canada. I felt like throwing up last night, my stomach hurt and my head was pounding extremely. They said I might be too stressed, which is very possible. I’ve been feeling like that since I turned thirteen, and I’m well passed fourteen now. I guess I’ve just been extremely stressed since then. I feel like so much pressure has been put on me to pass my classes and get to college and become something impressive. I want to be a professional cosplayer, but of course if I told my parents that, they would disapprove since they don’t think it can make you money. I disagree but yeah. I don’t really know what to do. But if I did go into cosplay then I would probably have to major in cosmetology and costume design. That’s what would probably the best for me. I also want to make costumes for some sort of theatre. I really love making clothes and designing costumes for cosplay and theatre. I also love doing art and acting. I just really love fine arts and visual arts. I’m just sad that my parents won’t approve of my interests and decisions. I think the reason my parents would be disappointed is because of my sibling (they’re non-binary and will be called Ash). They passed every single class (almost all AP classes) with an A or B, and are going to college for engineering. They keep their room clean and do all of their chores. They don’t forget anything. It’s just overwhelming for me.

The person that sits next to me in English is so annoying (he’ll be called James). James always asks me about genders and sexualities and what they mean. He’s straight, cis, and Christian. I don’t like him. He told me once that gay people ruined the rainbow, I told him it was just a symbol of equality for all genders and sexualities. He doesn’t believe me.

I went to pride on Saturday to meet my significant other for the first time ever. Everyone told me that I should be careful, I ignored it and I got to meet the most adorable, perfect S/O anyone could ask for. So why am I still depressed?

James sometimes asks me if I’m depressed, I say no. Every. Single. Time. I hate it when people worry about me, which is why I have so much to say on here.

Thank you for reading this, you didn’t have too.


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