Leaving really would be the best thing. Oh, my sanity, or what is left of it, would thank me! However, no solution is ever so simple as “just leave”.
I have the immediate money to leave. I have enough in savings to pay rent for awhile. But I don’t MAKE enough to sustain that. Rents in my area are $1000 a month for a small home. I’ve got 3 kids. A 1 bedroom studio isn’t realistic. And once I’m out of money, then what? Obviously I can’t count on Baby daddy 1 or 2 to contribute. I’m on my own.
I have a nice job. I’m a school nurse. The kids go to the same school i work at so I don’t have to pay excessive daycare costs, or babysitters. I get to be home with them on holidays and weekends. I’ve available to get them to swim lessons and soccer practice. We do picnics in the park and frequent the beach. I have health insurance, and long term disability insurance and a pension plan.
But the pay is shit. It is by far the worst paying nursing job ANYWHERE.
But I think, where ever else I go, sure I’ll make more, but it will just go to child care. I’ll have to work weekends and holidays, I’ll be mandated and have to work doubles, and likely I won’t even get 1st shift….that will REALLY complicate matters.
So it seems unrealistic to change jobs while the kids are so little.
But I can still spend my savings and rent….that’s stupid. Once that savings is gone it’s gone. I’m hoping to BUY a house. I’m LOOKING to buy a house. Actively searching. I’ve even put an offer on one. -Though the seller refused. The only issue being most properties around here are WAY out of my meager price range. And the ones that are within my budget need excessive repairs or get scooped up quickly by flippers, or in some cases, become part of bidding wars that exceed the asking price.
I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m just looking realistically at the situation.
I’ve started looking into purchasing a rental. Something with a tenant already in it. Let the property pay for itself for awhile. Then, when I ABSOLUTELY HAVE to move, Bye Bye tenant.
The kids love living with Grandpa. They have told me over and over they don’t want to move. I get that. We’re on a dead end road, with a big fenced in yard, they all have their own rooms, it’s a HUGE house so no one is stepping on anyone. And Jerry doesn’t want us to leave. He knows he can’t take care of this whole house by himself. He can’t bend over to pick up something he dropped, never mind scrub the floors.
But, Michael and James are both there….
But they aren’t good for much. Michael has TRASHED the house. I kid you not, it looks like a dump outside with all the shit he has laying every where. And I don’t imagine James will be apt to picking up after Michael. And Jerry just won’t step up and lay down the law.
If I move out I won’t have to deal with the stress of the MESS. My anxiety goes CRAZY looking at what a shithole Michael has the place. And he refuses to clean any of his shit up. I clean the areas he hasn’t infiltrated with his mess but there isn’t much free space left, even in that HUGE house!
I firmly believe Michael is threatened by my being there. Like I’m going to add my name to the deed and take everything he’s “ENTITLED” to. I may still have to deal with the 3am badgering text message onslaught but at least I won’t have to LOOK at him. And, MAYBE, if I’m not there he’ll have less to bitch about.
If I stay there I probably run the risk of getting murdered. I do lock the upstairs door at night, but I don’t imagine that will make much of a difference.
For now I’m just weighing out my options. Jerry doesn’t think it will be long until he’s arrested again anyway. I guess I’m just hoping…isn’t that sad? That’s what my life has become.