Inspiration. it’s all around us. I find myself getting excited over seemingly mundane things and my spirit becomes alive with expression and awe at the beauty I get to witness. I strive to stop myself whenever I seem to allow the negative inner dialogue to take over, and search for the beauty and gifts that I’ve been given. This morning was one of those times. Over the last 6 weeks Ive lost hearing in my right ear do to fluid behind my eardrum and no matter what Ive tried or been prescribed by my doctors it hasn’t budged. Now my left ear is joining in on the fun and making my over all hearing very little. after an appointment with an ENT it looks like I’ll be having tubes put in, and even then it will be a process for my ears to go back to normal. I wish I could say that Ive handled this situation with grace and positivity but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’ve been annoyed, frustrated, and angry. but this morning it hit me, (like things often do) like a smack in the face, I could still hear! albeit not like I use to or even that well, but I COULD still hear. WHAT A GIFT! I’ve got great doctors who refer me to other great doctors who are taking care of me and going to perform a surgery to fix it, ANOTHER GIFT! I have insurance that will pay for it, ANOTHER GIFT! so much of this season of my life has been to teach me to LET GO of the negative inner dialog I have with myself. I hold myself to an impossible standard and then when I fail or come short, I fall further into the grave I’ve dug and filled with all the lies and distractions I’ve told and given myself in an attempted to be someone I thought I needed to be. I’m slowly coming around and each day I’m allowing myself to fail and be okay with it. Failure is was spurs growth. It teaches us so much more that when we succeed on the first try.
…So I look to my future failures and say, what have you for me today?
I’m ready to learn.