Live broadcast 500 on the dot whatever the duck day it is 

I’ve realized probably once and for all what I was getting at with you from the beginning.   

I wanted to share something REAL with someone and met you and felt that mysterious something I’ve always felt.  I didn’t know what it was because I didn’t want it to be fake like everything else.  Remember when I said evolve I wanted that. And patience I wanted to learn it from you and have it with you.  It wasn’t ever a picture of us being together living happily ever after or either a picture of just causal friends.   I just wanted it to be real. I just wanted you to see me and not be connected to Spencer or anyone else.  I know you feel that something to. We might not both know what it is and it doesn’t matter and I want you as a friend for as long as we both feel that way.  It’s the genuine happiness we both wish for each other.  In ways that aren’t connected with a future of us being in a relationship together.   They’re are many different kinds of relationships and I think that way instead of being told by society that it’s one way or the other.  I’m not talking about sex either it’s not those lines I’m worried about.  its you thinking I’m in love with you.  It’s me wanting to be your friend because I love you as a person I think we can help each other out I respect you more than a lot of people but I am a woman and I worry about you and I know I could take care of you and I genuinely want to. Don’t hear that and think that means what you think.   Friends can take care of each other. And it doesn’t mean we need each other. I know I don’t need anyone.  I know how I love to be alone.  But what haunts me is wanting to share myself with someone.  Someone I trust and respect and view as an equal.  A like minded person a confidant.  I said that’s what I wanted a while ago.  I ripped that page out and gave it to you I think.  

I want you to be happy.  Notice I said I want YOU to be happy.  Not happy with me.   Just happy.  Literally whatever that may look like or turn out to be.  I want it and I want to be nothing but helpful for you to get there.  I have an advantage over all of the women you’ve always compared me to.   I don’t know you.  I didn’t know you before you started caring about the important shit you do.  I only know the man you are now and I can only see the potential that you have to be whatever man you hope to be.  You have entered my life at the very most darkest point of me.  You’ve seen nothing but my bad sides and you were still there for me when absolutely no one else was.  Bottom line.  You’ll be blinded by my light when you finally see it.  I just hope you accept it and let it light your way for even just a little bit.  Let loose of your fears and let someone care for you at least a little.  Because I do.  And I will.  And I will never do you wrong again.  I will be a true honest friend for as long as you’ll have me and as long as your the same for me. I have been hurt by many men and I know your fear of hurting me.  They only time you’ve ever really hurt me are the times when the truth hurt me not you. And all I will ever ask of you is to be honest truly honest with me and I’ll do the same.  As long as you are always honest with me you can will never be able to hurt me.  Just wait.  I keep telling you. You’ll see.  

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