today while i was desperately trying to play “leave the city” by twenty øne piløts i realized that my life is basically going nowhere. i’m a sophomore in high school which is pretty crazy because i still don’t feel like it, and i will decide what to study in college in like… 6 months or something and i have absolutely no idea what i want to study.
college is a must in where i live, if i don’t go to college i will be jobless and probably suffer in the future, but i just really don’t know which job i want to have.
i have always wanted to become an author, but writing books doesn’t make money here so i gave up on that already. i wanted to become an artist or whatever, but i just really don’t know if i am talented enough for that although i am about to start taking art classes.
my father studied law and wants me to study law also, though he doesn’t pressure me into anything which i am thankful for. i think i would be pretty damn good at being a lawyer or something, everyone thinks that the job matches my personality really well, but i am not sure if that’s what i really want.
my first language is not english (i guess it’s pretty obvious because my english kind of sucks but oh well) and i was thinking about being a translator maybe? not necessarily english though, i would really like to learn korean, japanese or chinese too. pretty sure being a chinese to “my native language” translator makes great money because chinese is a really hard language, but yet again, i don’t know if that’s what i want to do.
when i was around 6, everyone used to call me a “doctor”. all of my relatives wanted me to become a doctor, so i was pretty much raised with that mindset, but not too long after i found out that it wasn’t what i wanted to be as an adult, so i quickly gave up on that. glad no one pressured me into anything afterwards, i am pretty sure i wouldn’t be a great doctor at all, it’s not a job everyone can do after all.
i don’t like studying, like, at all. i have always liked studying literature and english because i love those classes, but other than them, studying is a big n0-n0 to me. it’s boring, i always struggle at math and science, physics is just too hard and my chemistry sucks so bad. biology is alright really, except for that one exam i got an F even though i studied for 6 hours.
anyway, in conclusion, i really am so confused about my future and it scares me to death, but i think (hope) time will make it better, right? i will slowly figure out what i want to do and everything will be alright. i mean hopefully.
see you later, have a nice day/night!
thanks “random guy” for giving me a heads up about sugar. i will definitely watch myself from now on. thanks, really!