don’t know what to do

today while i was desperately trying to play “leave the city” by twenty øne piløts i realized that my life is basically going nowhere. i’m a sophomore in high school which is pretty crazy because i still don’t feel like it, and i will decide what to study in college in like… 6 months or something and i have absolutely no idea what i want to study.

college is a must in where i live, if i don’t go to college i will be jobless and probably suffer in the future, but i just really don’t know which job i want to have.

i have always wanted to become an author, but writing books doesn’t make money here so i gave up on that already. i wanted to become an artist or whatever, but i just really don’t know if i am talented enough for that although i am about to start taking art classes.

my father studied law and wants me to study law also, though he doesn’t pressure me into anything which i am thankful for. i think i would be pretty damn good at being a lawyer or something, everyone thinks that the job matches my personality really well, but i am not sure if that’s what i really want. 

my first language is not english (i guess it’s pretty obvious because my english kind of sucks but oh well) and i was thinking about being a translator maybe? not necessarily english though, i would really like to learn korean, japanese or chinese too. pretty sure being a chinese to “my native language” translator makes great money because chinese is a really hard language, but yet again, i don’t know if that’s what i want to do. 

when i was around 6, everyone used to call me a “doctor”. all of my relatives wanted me to become a doctor, so i was pretty much raised with that mindset, but not too long after i found out that it wasn’t what i wanted to be as an adult, so i quickly gave up on that. glad no one pressured me into anything afterwards, i am pretty sure i wouldn’t be a great doctor at all, it’s not a job everyone can do after all.

i don’t like studying, like, at all. i have always liked studying literature and english because i love those classes, but other than them, studying is a big n0-n0 to me. it’s boring, i always struggle at math and science, physics is just too hard and my chemistry sucks so bad. biology is alright really, except for that one exam i got an F even though i studied for 6 hours. 

anyway, in conclusion, i really am so confused about my future and it scares me to death, but i think (hope) time will make it better, right? i will slowly figure out what i want to do and everything will be alright. i mean hopefully.

see you later, have a nice day/night!





thanks “random guy” for giving me a heads up about sugar. i will definitely watch myself from now on. thanks, really!

3 thoughts on “don’t know what to do”

  1. Time will definitely help. Whatever you decide, don’t stop painting and writing, you NEED these creative outlets and they are gifts from God. I hope you won’t mind if I give you a scripture? “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to you own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”
    Personally I think being a translater would be awesome for you! Nice clothes, meeting people, good super good pay. I hope you will continue to consider that. God bless you and guide you. He always loves you.

  2. If you always wanted to be a writer, you can be a game designer, you can invent the plots of games and the laws of life in the game universes. I do not know what to learn in this case, but you can do some researches and try.

  3. I’ve been spending the past while trying to concoct some solid advice, but honestly, I am in no place to give any. But I will state the obvious, weigh the pros and cons on each one and try not to choose one you think’ll make you feel unfulfilled or depressed in the future. Although it may take a while, I’m sure whatever you choose to study will lead your life in a good direction.
    You could always do writing and art as side job or just with your free time if you don’t study either of them for college. My grandfather was an engineer and he did that.
    I actually didn’t realize that your native language wasn’t English because most native speakers I’ve run into (including myself) can’t get all the grammar rules over their heads and your English isn’t too bad at all LOL. If do want to be a Chinese translator then make sure you know what dialect you want to learn, I think Mandarin and Cantonese are the most common.
    Oh yeah, I completely understand not liking to study because it SUCKS, but let’s hope it’ll all be worth it in the long run!
    It will get better with time without a doubt, try not to dwell on it too much and whatever you end up having your mind set on, go for it! 🙂

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