[370] ~*Tue – 10/09/18*~

[8:13 pm]

Arg! I hate being confused and uncertain about things. I’m still trying to figure out what I’ll be doing as far as job wise as I can’t keep these three jobs for ever or I will burn myself out. I will be doing it till Dec-Jan, so I have plenty of time to make sure I can handle the calling center. I just really wish this will work out cause I don’t want to go back. I don’t even think I could cause I’ve been so happy since I’ve stopped working on the road. Even with working more hours than I was before, I’ve been happier and feel like I want to accomplish more. I know I’ve been tired but that’s all because of the having to wake up at 6 am and not because of the work load although I’m not really working at the calling center yet so that could always change. I’m just hoping for the very best.

I’ve been thinking about my things and adding things up since last night and really, once I’m settle, I want to leave the store and have clients as a second job. That said, I currently have seven hours of clients but I would need another three hours to cover what I was doing with the store. I had told myself this one client was the first one I wanted out of my car but I think I might have to go get him back cause it would be the easiest three hours for me. I want to go see the office and see if I can have him back on my Fri’s BUT I have no darn clue what my schedule will be like once I hit the floor. I asked for morning shift but it can range from 8 to 12 as a start time so depending when I start, I might finish too late to do this client. Arg! I know this new job doesn’t really like you having a second job but I might go see the dude that takes care of the scheduling to see if he can make my schedule work. I ain’t losing anything by asking. I just hope this all works out to where I can make it all fit and finally have two darn days off so we can do something. I asked for Sun-Mon or Sun-Tue right now cause I still need to do the store but after I’m done there I want to ask for Tue-Wed off so then I can finally have some days off with hub. I’m very hopeful with all this. I believe it’s my time so I have high hopes.

I finally took my car in today and hope it will be good for a while. I’m still hopeful on the whole car thing as well. It also costed me less than expected and I’m not sure why. My friend had asked someone about it and he had said $130. I had the other side done back in like July and it costed like $138 so I was expecting around that price but it only costed $90 which I won’t complain. I just don’t understand cause the part was like $20 less but it’s supposed to be the exact same part, just the opposite side. I’m a bit scared they didn’t fix the right thing but it’s what it says on the paper. Oh well. Let’s just hope for the best. I will have to go get it before I go to bed as it’s still sitting at the garage. Unless I go in the morning before going to work. I still need to go outside thought as I need to bring that exercise machine to the curb as it’s the bulk garbage in the morning. I feel terrible as my friend picked that thing up and brought it all the way here and it sat outside all this time. I haven’t even tried it and I will just throw it out cause I’m not bringing the thing inside after spending all this time outside in the rain and all. Bleh!

I’m surprised I managed to stay awake all day today. I wasn’t falling asleep in training so I guess it might have been more interesting that last week. I also didn’t go nap in my car on my lunch and I’m still up since this morning and I’m not really that tired.

I finally did a grocery and will have to make the suggies food tomorrow. I was meant to do it tonight but meh, too late now. I think I’ve accomplished enough for today.

Last night was a harsh night cause I had a moment with hub which I really don’t like when it happens. Hub had came to bed to give me a hug and say goodnight after having already came to bed with me for a while to cuddle. I knew he was coming for something and turned out, a friend wanted him to go play Pokemon Go with her for an hour or so. Every time hub asks me to go somewhere, I always say no but it’s not because I don’t want him, it’s just always the answer I give him. He always tells me that I’m not the boss of him and that he can do as he please so what ever. I had a feeling he didn’t go so I got out of bed and went to see him which he was dressed but still home so I asked why he was still home. He told me he didn’t go cause I didn’t wanted him to go. Obviously he was meant to go cause he got dress. I just HATE how he always uses me as an excuse on things like this and make me look like the bad guy. This is always how it ends up and I just HATE it. I lost it. I honestly lost it. I told him I wouldn’t be in his way anymore and I would fix the problem. I went in the bathroom and was just there, staring at one of his belt and my mind just wanted me to pick it up and go finish myself with it. He didn’t take really long to come see me and ask what I was doing. Kinda surprised me to be honest that he even payed attention to what I was doing. He turned me around and started hugging me and saying how sorry he was. Meh! I was asking my dad to come get me. Sadly, I’m still here. I really don’t like when I feel like wanting to end my life but I do get those moments. I’m just glad hub did what he did last night cause I don’t know how it would of ended up. I just really don’t like when he uses me as an excuse and make me look like the bad guy.

After this he came back to bed with me to make sure I was alright and actually stayed in bed and slept. So this is another reason why I’m surprised I wasn’t tired today cause of course when this happened, I had already taken my pill to sleep but all this made the pill useless. I lost about an hour of sleep because of it.

Anyways, it’s getting late and I should prob go get that husband of mine up so we can go pick up my car. I would wait tomorrow morning but I’m too scared it would make me late for work so I better go tonight.


Leave a Comment: