I managed to survive school today. My 6th period was TERRIBLE. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it the rest of the year with them. I have to just keep telling myself it’s one hour a day. My 7th period has gotten pretty bad, too. Fuck, they’re all pretty bad except for that 1st period class where I have a para with me. I am so not doing this job anymore. I am going to get the fuck out of that school. FUCK. I’ve gotta find a better gig. I am going to lose my mind if I have to keep doing what I’m doing. I am just going to have to take it one day at a time. Just get through tomorrow and not think about the whole year. Not think about 140 more days with those assholes. I was so frustrated today.I’m tired of yelling to be heard over all the talking. Just fucking tired of it. I’m really about ready to just take the 10 kids in that class that actually want to learn and let the rest of them do whatever. I’m fucking over it. So over it. I have a headache every day. My head is killing me right now. It’s 11 and I can’t fall asleep. I am going to do my best to get through this year, then I’m going to try to get a job at that school right by where I live. It is literally 0.1 miles from my house. I am planning on shooting for elementary. At least for an alternative program of some sort- something non-traditional. Anything would be better than what I’m doing now. Digging ditches would be better.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."