Typhoon warning

I just woke. I had too many cocktails, aka typhoon warnings. I need some pantyhose tea, it’s a cure all without the nylon. 

I have one message on my vzw app, which leads me to believe I may have sent somethings, I dont what or why. I’m not gonna ask. 


Agreeing to a clean slate would mean accepting the person they are now. Accepting being ignored, zero communication, shut out of his life and his new condo that i will never be invited to or welcomed at. Accepting that I’m a hidden part of his life. Accepting we can “emotionally” be together, but never actually because hes ashamed of me and hides and lies about me. It would also mean accepting that he.puts everything else in his life first and before me: work, work events, work social events, teaching, friends,golf, football, everything. Accepting would mean agreeing to be in a situation where I literally dont exist and he can give me nasty looks, not care or have any regard for my life and what I have going on. 


Accepting would be lowering my standards to someone that does not love me and want to be with me….he only loves the attention I gave him. 


Accepting would be agreeing to keep someone in my life that hid things from me to get me in bed and then hid me from others for as long as possible with no intention of ever being honest and open to everyone. It would mean continuing to keep myself a string for someone that never really wanted me. 


No I will never conform to that. I do not accept and I never will. I deserve to treat myself better than I have the past 6 years. I dont need people like that in my life ever again.


Its over. 

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