[371] ~*Thu – 10/11/18*~

[9:27 pm]

The times where I totally hate my mind. It can NEVER shut down and even if I try very hard not to think about lil things that are bugging me, it’s screaming at me in the back of my mind. It’s like “Hey, hey, hey… HELLO?!?! You NEED to be thinking about THIS and it needs to bug the heck out of you” Arg!

So yea, I went in the basement to clean the cat litters and when I go downstairs, I always try and listen to make sure that the fan in the cold room is still working as who knows when it will stop working as it’s on 24 hrs. That said, I was listening and couldn’t hear it so I was like “great, the thing died”. I opened the room and had some cables in my face. What in the world is going on?! I went and got the flashlight to have a look in there and the fan totally came off the ceiling and is now laying on the floor. The piece of wood that was holding it broke. The cables seems fine but I’m no electrician so I couldn’t say for sure. The fan also seems fine which is very surprising as it fell from the ceiling to the ground and flew a good meter away. I was expecting the thing to be in pieces. I honestly didn’t check more than that but yea, it seemed fine. Of course I wanted hub to look at it RIGHT AWAY but he said even if he did go in there to look at it, he couldn’t fix it tonight so no point. Blah!

I know we can’t fix it right now and it’s not something that needs to be fix right at this moment but just to know it’s laying on the floor and might be broken is just driving me crazy. I want it fix NOW. When something isn’t right I always want it fix right away even if I know it’s not possible and it’s honestly driving me crazy to be like I am. I am trying not to think about it as there’s nothing we can do tonight but it’s screaming in the back of my mind. Being me really sucks. I’m not even sure we’ll be able to fix it ourselves cause I don’t know if it did anything to the cables or not when it flew off the ceiling and pulled it down. Like I’ve said, to me they seemed fine but I have no clue. We might have to change those and it’s not something we can do ourselves. In general, I’m just glad it wasn’t as bad as I thought it could of been with seeing those cables when I opened the door.

While I was in there, I had a look around and we really need to clean that room. Those boxes needs to go cause it’s just causing mildew. If we can’t get that fan fix in a few days, we will really need to clean the place up cause the fan helps a lot with the mildew. I do believe we got that problem in the first place cause we went years without a fan as it broke down and we never fixed it until I had a look in there and saw that mildew had started on things. We never use the room so we never look in it to see what’s going on. There was mildew on the wood shelf which I cleaned up when we put this new fan in a few years ago and it’s been fine ever since. It’s just the boxes as boxes shouldn’t even be in there in the first place. I really don’t know why they ended up in there.

Anyways, enough about that darn cold room. Yesterday I worked and then hub made us some supper. After we were done eating, he decided to go for a nap so of course, I followed him. Very bad idea. I ended up sleeping from 5 to 8:45 pm. I basically forced myself out of bed cause I knew I had to get the garbage ready and bring it to the curb cause I wouldn’t have time in the morning. I was meant to do the suggies food but once again, that didn’t happen. I ended up going to sleep at almost 1 am so by that time, I didn’t have enough time left to sleep to take a pill so I slept very badly. I was so tired this morning that I was sure I’d be going for a nap in my car on my lunch but I ended up staying in the building and talking with people.

Again, I was meant to do the food today but that didn’t happen. After I was done work, I went to see sis and the lil one as they were in town. I don’t get to see the lil one much so of course I took this opportunity to go spend time with her.

Well, I was gonna make the food tonight but I looked at the fruits I bought last Sat I think it was and they aren’t good anymore so I need to go buy more. All cause I was too lazy all these nights to make the food. Blah! I really, really need to make it tomorrow night or my chicken will go bad as well.

Beside all this, we have been learning a lot at work in the past few days and it’s getting a bit overwhelming. I’m getting scared that I will mess up once I get on the phone cause we don’t get to practice. There is so much to remember. I’m trying to tell myself that all will be fine and I’ll be good at it but I’m not sure. I have that medicine pouch in my purse but it will be on me for a lil while once I hit the floor to bring me positiveness.

Well, I think I’ve done enough writing for tonight. It’s getting late and I still have about 25 mins left to the show I’m currently watching so I’ll finishing watching that and then I’ll be heading to bed to read a bit before sleeping.


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