Confusion of the Heart

Every time I think I have things figured out when it comes to my heart something happens to make me even more confused. A little bit of background might help no I’m not gonna go into my life story. July 1st I tried to OD on prescription meds and spent a week in the hospital recovering under very watchful eyes. I lost myself putting everyone else before me and paid the price with my depression. I have definitely learned from that experience. Before that, I had a long distance Dom that I fell in love with and he fell in love with me but neither of us can relocate. Since my suicide attempt the man that I have been in and off again relationship, not to mention the father of my children, has really stepped up for me and is putting forth the effort to actually work on our relationship. He is starting to remind me why I fell in love with him all those years ago. Then there is my current Dom/Domme. We have been friends for a while and have a natural attraction towards each other. I have once again found myself falling in love again. My heart is being pulled in 3 different ways and I don’t know what to think or what to do… Please, no rude comments. And I know ultimately I’m the only one that can decide but I would like others input. Am I the only one that has ever had this happen? I truly am confused and I hate being confused.

5 thoughts on “Confusion of the Heart”

  1. No, you are almost certainly not the only one to have felt this. This is very brief, but I’m definitely willing to talk to you more about where you are.
    Sometimes you do need to take hold of what is in front of you, what is happening in your real life. That’s something you can touch, feel, and actually have to deal with every day. If somebody physically close is tugging on your heart, then my feeling is that is worthwhile.
    The distant one, the one you couldn’t be with (and I know EXACTLY how that is), you have to just let him fill in the gaps in your real life, and not try to see him as everything. (I suspect in all this that your close at hand person is not Dom?). I can explain more, but in short since he wasn’t close at hand he couldn’t be “everything” anyway.
    Your current Dom, is he local?
    And if you’d like, I’m open to giving you my email. Perhaps I have the “other side to the equation” perspective since I am a Dom myself.

  2. Having someone else to talk to about this would be amazing. And yes my Dom is local but is very new to being a Dom. That is a different story in and of it self.

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