Monday October 15th

I went to school today. I was so frustrated with the kids 7th period, I felt like crying. They will not shut the fuck up for anything. I don’t know what happened to this class. They started out as a decent class, now they are terrible. Ugh. I thought I might be able to make it until the end of the year after the weekend off, but one day back, and I’m already losing it again. I really don’t know how I’m gonna be able to take it. I think I will need to take a leave of absence soon. I will wait until I go to my next appointment with Heather on the 25th. I am going to have to ask someone to watch my kids the last 30 minutes of school so I can get to the appointment. I can’t be working when I apply for retirement, so I will have to be on leave. I am about to lose my freaking mind. I think it’s a combination of a horrible situation, my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and the mess that my outside of work life is in. I am going to try to get the retirement. It can’t hurt to try. 

I texted my new landlord today and asked him to tell me what I owe him for October since he said he would charge me for a partial month. He did not respond. I am hoping he will take the amount I’m spending on the stove as at least part of the payment. I really wish he would tell me to just forget about it. That would really help me out. I have ran up a ton of debt fixing up the place. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but oh well. I need money so badly. 

3 thoughts on “Monday October 15th”

  1. You need something more than just days off work. I suspect even your days off you can’t really relax knowing you’re heading back in the next day.
    I suspect the class is picking up on your anxiety and getting more out of control. I’m not sure what to suggest about that.

  2. You are exactly right about not being able to relax because I know I have to go back.

  3. Just try to live in that moment. There’s no point worrying about tomorrow (listen to me, I do it all the time!). Enjoy the time away as much as you can.
    Hey, I’ll always try to have a kind word or a hug when your day goes to crap. If that helps in the slightest.

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