Last chances

I wasn’t in love before but I think I am now.  I don’t know because I know how impossible it would be for you to ever see me differently but I think I could I know I love you now but don’t you have to at some point fall in love together? Maybe that’s what I’m getting stuck on.  Or maybe just the flip floppy shot you say “ you don’t want to find that shot” but yo kept some… maybe in time… maybe after you prove yourself… you “ could” be attractive.   (IF I looked how different?) ( what exactly) something about you?? All of it… you talk about how selfish and lazy you would be and all these reasons why we shouldn’t couldn’t and wouldn’t ever work.  And then you say I would leave you anyways after it got stale or whatever.  Or when it was something about someone having stronger feelings and someone ending up getting hurt in my “relationship” and you saying it would probably be you.  Or you saying to me “ it would be so easy for me to love you “…. why didn’t you ever walk away.  ? Other than at the hospital?   Why didn’t you ever let go of me? You know you could have.  Are you 100%completly sure you know your own feelings? Have you shut your own heart off?? Do you only allow uourelf just to think with your head? Is it just the fact that maybe yo feel like you need to protect me from yourself? Will you please face me, look at me in the eyes and tell me there’s is nothing.  There never was anything not even for a sec and you don’t realky ever see a possibility of us in the future? Can you do that? Look me in the eyes and tell me that.  If it’s the truth? It will only help me change my feeling that’s why it was your last chance because I won’t let myself love you like that again.  Ive already strayed convincing myself focusing on the negatives and disliked… I guess like you do.  Is that what your doing ? I wish you could understand how it hurts… as a woman… even as low as I am no longer feel like I don look that bad.. not as bad as you see me ….. I find attractive things about myself all the time.. but you can’t?? Or won’t? Or just don’t?? I don’t secretly think your in love with me but I have felt something.  I’m not saying love or attraction but something… am I all wrong?? Is it maybe just me?? I would take such good fuckin care of you. It’s what I was made for.  Care for people.   I would teach you got to love respect and tread me ( which is simple ) but I would still love to allow you to be selfish and spoiled I know you might think it’s fucked up but I kind of like the idea of your being my boss… serving you in a way.. but it won’t be fucked yo because you’ll protect me and respect me.. care for me and love me   That’s all… be honest too   I want you to think I’m beautiful and pretty and someone’s even sexy  I am a woman    Why do I feel like I’ll either love you or hate uou??  Am I really “crazy” I know my feelings for you and vision of you is real and true and worthy  not a product of being “ traumatized”by men  as you sat  are you just afraid of something? You say I have that look when I see you… that smile… would you rather see pain in my eyes?? Would you rather have that effect on me? Or hate red for you?? Is that the look you want to put on my face? When I see you? What are y’all up so stone cold with me ? So uo ever take any chances???? 


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