Hello again. It’s been a while.
I’d like to say that things are different now than they were a year ago, but I can’t. Even with my medication the anxiety eats at me every day. Sometimes (like today) I don’t even know why. I still fill my evenings with alcohol in an effort to shut the anxiety off and not think about the day that’s to come.
I’m in a different job now. Still 9-5 weekdays, but now I actually have insurance that covers my medication.
Wife says I need to see a doctor. She even offered to make the appointment for me. She’s right. This is a terrible way to go on, in fear of everything to come.
Part of the problem is that everybody wants something from me. Whether it’s my time, my attention, my action, or otherwise, everybody wants something from me. The more they pile on, the worse it gets. Even my wife, though I try not to hold it against her. Just now, a colleague entered my office and asked me to present tomorrow. I don’t want to. Tomorrow was supposed to be an easy day. Stupid me. There are no easy days.
I’m not sure what else to say. I’m sad. Scared. Tired. And I want out.