That maybe you could change the person you are today to become someone more like Gianna Jacodsen not even just her that maybe you could just be someone different than yourself because people alywas like the sluttily pretty girl
Or the blue eyed blonde girl who can have a good time or the girl with the perfect nose and skinny minnie body that can eat whatever the hell she pleases and whatever she wants because it won’t affect the way she looks or cause people to hate her because no matter what personality you have. . with a face like that who really gives a rats ass
But instead of thinking i’m a pretty face i’m playing the game of whose dress is the shortest, whose laugh is the cutest, and how many times can i pick apart every singles flaw until it blurs into the emotional back wash of my depression
How many goddamn times can i cut myself and not say anything how many fucking times i get away with have a crying spell and having no one notice. . .How many times can i pretend i’m confident or go through the same griefing period and internal rehab of me trying to boost myself up to everyone else and pretending to be confident just to do what Fucking crash into fucking nothing
Because people like me are nothing we sit and cry and ingore the somber but somewhat comforting static in my head
Like it brings you to wonder how many times you can look at the same mess your call a life and the same atrocity you call an appearance before you take the high road and decided to make it all go away on my own terms.