i woke up this mornng to the sound of the rain and in a cold sweat, dreams of my ex plague me every once in while, and this morning was one of them. maybe eating yougurt to late or more so then likely the fact that i glanced at his snap chat? eh…. either way i wish it didnt happem. its beenn over for 3 years and yet we still go a few months before he “checks in” i still wish i could forget him but its hard you can let a lover go and move on but when you have that person who was also your best friend and only human confessional its like giving up a security blanket. till this day every serious action in my life that ive encountered since hes been gone ive wanted to call and talk about but i cant bring myself to reach out and do it. ts oore of a power play with us, whos gonna reach ot first,odd? yes .have we both moved on? again yes? dysfunctional much? do i need to say yes again….
My phone rings and i see its my best friend, i know we all have the offical duties but im tired and kinda over it. i belive in uncontional loyalty and im trying to be a good friend but im a person with attachmment forming issues and also a complete believer in self dependancy, some how my best friend is the complete opposite of that. i used to idolize her because she had this spirit about her that seemed like she was unto herself and didnt need a thing from anyone. Hell I hated her when I met her but I fell in love with her as I got to know her and now it’s like I’m falling out of love and resentful of her, what can I say my “brother” said “she was just like me” I call bullshit,moving further along we’ve had good times and bad times and in between. She was there for me when it was emotionally rough and I can count them on my hand but I’ve paid it back ten fold more so in cash that I doubt I’m ever going to get it back and she still keeps asking for more and I’m the dumbass atm machine. She says she will pay me back and then somehow forgets and ends up going out and splurging on shit she cant afford namly for her asshole of a boyfriend. If she hadn’t have burned me at a crucial time in my life I dont think i’d have minded but now it stings. She can’t talk to her boyfriend or ask him for anything because she dosent want him to think shes dumb or irresponsible but literally shes both and I say that with love… so I’m off to pull cash out for her so she can supposedly by hormone meds. I shouldn’t have picked up the damn phone!