Too Much Time To Think

Today I stood home all day.  Lounged and tried decompressing. I got intrusive thoughts many times today.  Feeling a bit anxious. It’s getting exhausting. Wearing me down mentally and physically. I continued reading the book I bought on battling anxiety. It did help. It spoke about creating new brain pathways and relearning thought processes. I will put that into action. One thing it said to do was write down the thought – the very first thought that triggered your anxiety, and to challenge that anxiety – as opposed to feeding it or running from it. 

One thought I had today – actually the reason I am anxious right now is arm amputation. My arm felt a bit tingly and weak, the arm where the flu shot was administered, and my mind jumped to what if some kind of infection is brewing in there because of this shot, that I’ve never received before, and I got five days ago. 

I feel ridiculous even writing this down publicly.  Is that even a thing? Has that ever even happened to anyone with the flu shot? If so it is probably less than 1% of the population who receives the flu shot, and it probably involved a million other factors. Also, my arm can feel this light and tingly because I’ve been laying about all day, or because my anxiety itself is once again creating these physical symptoms. The mind is such a powerful thing. Why am I this way? Why can’t I just chill out?

I intended to go out for some air today. I didn’t. I’ll attempt to go out tomorrow. I realized for the past couple of years I only leave my house if I absolutely have too. Like work. Very rarely for other things. So tomorrow I will try to go out for some fresh air, I believe it will do me some good, or maybe some exercise. Something other than an idle mind with too much time to think. 

Till next time. 

Love & Light 

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