Im sure there are a number of women can attest to the difficulty of dealing with being financially unstable while being in a relationship and living together relatively dependent on your SO. Like I wish you didn’t treat me like and disrespect me all the time but also thank you for making sure im not homeless. I don’t really know where my place is because Im caught between being a beggar and being a lover. Then again when I was single I never had financial dire straights like these. Ugh. Its hard. I want to yell I am human too while bowing my in gratitude. Were he someone else Im sure he would take advantage of the situation and probably being abusing me. Is that where we are as a society now. Women just being going ‘well at least he doesn’t pummel my face in like the last guy’. Like the bar has fallen so low its rolling around on the ground. I criticize yet I too find myself saying the same exact words. Im not sure if we are in a relationship or just co-dependent roommates who fuck. Now I know there are some women who will say ‘well that’s pretty much what a relationship is sweetness’. I guess I was dumb enough to fall for all the fairytales I grew up where men respected women and were chivalrous and kind. Made for good novels.  But in reality the hyper masculinity crisis men face due to the media is, I feel, a major component to the rape culture that is 2018. Its a major factor to my feeling like shit for being mistreated but also blaming myself for not being a better version of myself in order to prevent being mistreated. Its gay.

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