I Can’t Do This Right Now

Dear journal, 

Well it feels like forever since I wrote a journal entry. I was literally broke down for three fucking days. Wanted to come back to Marietta a couple of hours leaving Marietta. Me and chance got into a huge ass fight he started calling me all kinds of names in front of his brothers. Everyone just stood there didn’t say a word. It’s been two days now with no sleep, it’s been about five days into talking with Justin about our relationship. I broke up with chance the other day and got a text not even an hour into breaking up with him and his friend starting texting me raising holy hell. He kept bugging me whenever we were at his moms if we are back together and the only thing I could do was to tell him yes so I didn’t get treated like shit in front of everyone….  Honestly, I feel trapped, I feel like I got a leash around my throat. I need out I need out of this relationship because im not happy anymore.. I’m not saying I don’t love chance anymore because I love chance with all my heart, He gave me our beautiful son, He was there for me when I needed him. But, Justin walked back in my life and I feel like I need to finish what I started I love Justin. I’ve loved Justin since day 1 Everyone keeps calling him a rapist but hes not I may have not been old enough at the time to give my consent, But he didn’t hurt me in any shape or form. He was gentle he cared about my feelings. He showed me what its like to love, without him I don’t think I could’ve done it. He gave me a reason to be alive at the time, Everytime I talk to him I still get these crazy butterflies, everytime I hear his voice on the phone my heart starts racing. He makes me smile even with the stupidest words he says. His hugs were amazing. I love Justin and theres no way around it. He makes everything around me disappear. He’s my everything and I don’t want to lose it, So God please help me out please make chance realize its time to go. Move on, find someone else, Because I need to move on with my life and be happy. I’m sure that’s what everyone wants me to do. Please god, I beg you. ! Someone give me advice

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