Their battle, not yours

You can find both the most interesting, and the most uninteresting things by reading someone’s personal journal or blog.

I found it most challenging to be honest with both myself and my spouse about my feelings for his family. Over the last 6 years I’ve struggled with wanting to be accepted to the point of losing myself. I’ve struggled with being overweight Most of my adult life, my previous addiction, and most of all my want and what I thought need to be accepted. What I didn’t realize until just recently thanks to Gabby Bernstein is that I’m accepted because I accept myself. As I am now.

I always explain myself to people like this;  I can be your worst nightmare or your best friend only you and the way you treat me will decide how that will be.

 I am dedicated to being the absolute best mother in the world. Some days I fail, miserably and some days I succeed in ways I never knew were possible. Which brings me to the title of my journal….

It started with my husband’s father about my son pretty much since the day he was born. I knew that I was never enough before so what made me good enough now? Things have gotten bad within the last 2 years with my son’s grandparents i.e. His father and his new wife. Now I’m not saying I’m the easiest person to get along with but I am reasonable. That is until you’ve hurt one of the people that mean the most to me, my son.  As parents I believe we should respect what our child’s grandparents want to do while they’re in their care. But when it comes to their safety it is my number one priority as a mother to make sure that I am my son’s advocate at all times.  After numerous attempts of talking kindly, respectfully, and tactfully my husband and I have gotten nowhere with his father and his wife.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was this last Sunday my son stayed the night at their house against my better judgment. But to help appease my husband I reluctantly said yes. I believe it’s my right as a mother and my husband’s right as a father to decide if our child will or will not go to church with their grandparents. Now before you continue reading and think that I’m controlling understand, that when my son comes home from their house he is rude, he hasn’t slept properly, and hasn’t eaten properly. Now as most Parents are reading this you would tend to agree that, without those things are children are monsters. This sends our household into a downward spiral just one evening before We start the new school week.

So diplomatically my husband and I decide that we would like to pick up our son before church. He attends the church that we attend and that way I am assured he gets A nap and is fed properly. 

There is no joy better than seeing your child’s face light up when they’ve been away from you. The running up and hugging, big kisses, and the repeated “I miss You “…..

This Sunday morning didn’t go  Quite that way. Instead my son got into our vehicle while crying and yelled at me, “Mommy why don’t you want me to have any fun? Or go to church? I don’t even get to get a doughnut like my Cousin! ” As you can imagine by reading those words it sent me into a furious rage. Thankfully my husband was standing on the other side of the car and was able to hear the entire thing. I tried To calm my son down with another yell of “why don’t you want me to have any fun?” followed by tears. At this point his grandmother has brought his cousin inside and then ran back out to “say good bye” at that point I called them both out on why they felt it was OK to bad mouth a mother to her son?  And explain to them that this is why we continue to have a problem with each other. Which  Sent his nana into a tizzy. Yelling at me quite loudly  Saying “you don’t let him go to  Church “. My husband the cool calm and collected one in our relationship tried to be diplomatic and explain that we have our own church and our own pastor. That didn’t do shit. 

It was at that moment when my son got into my vehicle crying and yelling at me because I wasn’t Being nice or letting him have fun, I decided that I no longer want to have a relationship with either one of them.

Emotional child abuse is one of the most common forms of abuse and 1 of the most UN commonly talked about forms of abuse. My husband who doesn’t always support my feelings in the matter, was more angry and upset at watching his wife silently cry in the short car ride home without saying a word. We shouldn’t have had to explain to our four-year-old child why I wasn’t mean or bad and that I Did want him to have fun.

No, this situation is the sprinkles on the icing on the cake that has been baking for 6 years. I broke..and hearing my son yell at me because of someone that is supposed to love him told him a lie about me broke me even more. 

 I mean we’re not talking about the minor things like not allowing him to drink while he eats his food, or refusing to let him take home Christmas gifts that they’ve purchased – saying they must be kept at their home. This is the 1st time that hes gotten angry with me about something that they’ve said. We’re not talking about them telling my 3 and a 1/2 year old to keep a secret from his parents because he was riding in a car seat that we wouldn’t approve of.  We are not talking about making his father and I feel guilty for having plans and not wanting him to stay the night when they’ve requested. We are not talking about putting my son on the back burner for grandchildren that aren’t biologically related to them. 

We’re talking about 2 people who claim they love my son more than anything in the world, yet they have belittled him By trying to make me bad. Garrett it is half of everything that I am and when they say bad things about me they’re saying bad things about him. We’re talking about people who are supposed to nurture and spoil and care for our children not emotionally abuse them. 

 I have no other outlet. 

 When is it OK to say enough is enough? When is it OK to put a stand against family members hurting someone you love? When are you done excepting being a doormat? When is it OK to stand up for yourself and be an advocate for your child and not be looked at like you were the bag guy?

I know you all understand and I love the outreach. 

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