It amazing sometimes

It amazing the emotional roller coaster of emotions you can go through after talking to someone that you had very strong feelings for when it’s been a while since you’ve talked to them. A former Dom sent me a message. I went from being apprehensive to happy to pissed that he left at a time in my life that I needed him the most to do I really even wanna talk to him anymore after everything that went down.

We didn’t really talk much but it was almost like an instinctual reaction to jump back into sub-mode with him. I barely stopped myself calling him Sir on more than one occasion. I know he’s not the right Dom for me now. But he is still fun to talk to. he actually put a smile on my face for the first time in almost 48 hours.

I’m also beginning to wonder if I don’t need to have one if not both of my antidepressants increased. While I am under more stress I have had more and more down days and more headaches, some of which have been migraines. I hate having to take my migraine meds because they tend to mess with my system for 24-48 hours depending on how much i have had to take to get rid of the stupid thing… i have 3 levels of meds i take for them, ranging from OTC to low grade script all the way to narcotic meds…. if none of those work after 48 hours i have to head to the ER to get an injection or two. that always turns into a long day /night because i have to have someone watch over me for 10-12 hours after the second injection. oh well life happens sometimes….

Moms surgery is a week away and the closer it gets the more worried and upset i get. its the very real possibility that she might not survive this 10-12 hour surgery that has me scared the most.


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