Spent the weekend at the boyfriends,i always look forward to friday, its get away time from my responsibilities.i hangout out with him and play house, then monday moring rolls around and i have to go back to my real house.yay! reality sets back in and the moody blues too,my “wife and kid” are home ready to nag me and burn a whole in my pocket book, Ready to remind me im not a care free indiviual.There not really my wife and kid there my mom and sister and they live with me full time, but its the same nagging as the latter. i come home and its’ she did this!” and “she did that” and pay for this and thats not fair!! ugh… back to the same old bull. In another life i must have done some seriously bad shit to end up in the current here and now.
Theres alot of guilt for how much i resent my family. but im trying to get over that shit. ive been taking care of one or both of them since i was 15 and i keep wondering when will the time come when its time to do what i want? would i even know what to do if i had the chance to be on my own? Its scary to think about that because all i know how to do is take care of everyone elses needs. Be it family, significant other,friend or friends family/love, and last but not least the only thing i took pride in,my job. Im good at it, Ive been intuitive about people and there moods,how to read them and accommodate what they need.(i blame a early need to stay out of the way of abusive family memebers way) But what if?! seriously ,who else could i have become?
Led Zeppelin i quote said “its never to late to change the road your on” but they dont rock on about how hard going down that other road is.