Love in the past

My ex is on my mind,we have been over for almost 3 years now and i cant seem to forget him. He was able to move on so quickly ,literally he moved to his new base in 2016,met a  chick and in November of that same year,he married her. I knew this man inside and out for almost ten years. we stared out as friends on the net,then best friends which led to lovers . “two bodies one soul is what he would  tell me” and even now i still believe were bound together always ment for one another.

It dosent help that hes now married and im in a “serious” relationship. The night i found out about her I let my best friend set me up with a guy to have some fun with and get my mind of off him. We started dating a week late…..Yup, i know,it quick rebound. it shouldn’t have happened. Was i supposed to take time and be single,act like a hoe and find myself? most likely but he was to good of a man to pass up, i fucked up.

  My ex was my best friend , we could read each others mind,and had similar interests. he could talk for hours and i would listen and learn till i fell asleep,(it happened alot when he lived in hawaii) he was my first love and it was a toxic learning situatin but we did it and i thought that we couuld make it through anything. I was wrong. so much has happened and i wish i could still reach out to him and talk but my pride wont let me give in.So i wait for is pride to do it for me.

   Every few months he reaches out to me to check in and see how i am, my controlling side gets  rush like i win,he cant be without me but it dosent last long. 5 months ago was the last time he reached out. we went as far as to add eachother on snap and thats  the last i heard from him. i even went as far as to send a invite for a halloween.no bite.i feel like adding him on snap was a mistake and i cant bring myself to let go of the only window can see into. im glutting for a punishment and this shits not healthy.but this is how insane my mind is. 

  Looking back i know it was a un healthy relationship, we were both young and dumb and dysfunctional. but god  help me if it didnt feel right, there was passion and sex and depth and i feel like thats what im still missing. In The back of my head  have to remind myself that as much as i romanticize it and make excuses. he still left and replaced everything like i was trash and thats what ive felt ever since he left. Im trying to move on.The man im with loves me and his eyes are full of truth and innocence.But these bonds sometimes are buried deep into my core,

2 thoughts on “Love in the past”

  1. I can relate a little to your last sentence: “But these bonds sometimes are buried deep into my core.” I could tell you wrote this from the heart. Thank you for sharing 🙂 It’s nice to know someone else feels the same way I do (although I would never wish this feeling on anyone).

  2. Hello there,yeah it’s a tough feeling, there love and guilt and alot of other emotions involved. I’m sure alot of people feel the way we do, it wont say it aloud or admit it. Atleast we have this type of format to vent. I can say this honestly that over never once said any of my entry to anyone aloud .last night was a first. I wish you the best of luck and hope that one day we both wont feel this way❤

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