I feel that music never left me and is everything to me. I grew up singing to pop and kid tunes at a young age, played violin at age 10-11, and began playing double bass and electric bass at 12-13. I thought I was going to be a scientist or a doctor, but in the back of my head, I always wanted to perform for an audience. Unlike my other subjects in school, I enjoyed learning about music and anything associated with it. Everything seemed to be in the perfect place at the right time when I pursued music in my studies.
Now in the present, it is proving to be difficult to devote myself to music but I’m passionate to stick by it regardless. It is the only thing that keeps me going about the day. I relate to the music I listen to (grunge and 90s rock) in a very personal level and playing musical instruments help me enjoy it as a hobby. However, I feel that I can potentially be something more, beyond just playing music for fun. I believe that I’m onto something amazing.
However, with things getting tougher by the day, the thought of leaving music behind for stability terrifies me. Dropping everything I have invested in my life, just to get a better job for money to pay rent or food, really worries me. I mean, I could starve myself for my own passion but I don’t know if I can actually do it. Leaving music would be like a death of a loved one and being expected to move on. The thought of it drives me insane and brings suicidal thoughts in me. If I can’t have it and the joys of it, then I don’t see a reason to be alive.