my friends are happy to go home for winter break, which makes me happy.
i have no “home” to go back to.
i feel so small and so confused and so restless and so tired.
time is passing by me so quickly and soon, so soon, things will change and the seasons will switch and new classes will start and then summer will come and i won’t have anywhere to go? and i won’t know if i’m going to study abroad or not? and i won’t know anything?
and i don’t know anything now?
and i’m scared to be alone, travelling, and i’m scared. to be. alone. anywhere. i’m scared of everything right now.
my chest hurts in a weird squirming lonely way.
i just feel weird and sad and ready to die. ready to cry. ready to curl up and say that no one can make me go anywhere because i’m not leaving the safety of this dorm because i have nowhere else to really go.
my family isn’t happy with each other.
no desire to eat, to go anywhere, to do anything. just want to lay down and sleep and never wake up.