Another Year ended and A New One to Begin With…

For the past 365 days of my life of 2018 made me what I am today.

From the experiences, challenges, hurt and pain.

From the happiness, excitement, love and joy this 2018 brings.

As I look back at the past made me realised there were a lot of things happened.

Most of them helped me to be a better person. To be this person.

My life was like a roller coaster ride, that turned me upside down.

Upset my stomach most of the times and gave me headache.

From just a simple life to a complicated one to a total washed out life…

To new Me.

I can’t believe I’ve survived this and that I am still here.

Someone gave up on me, fall out of love with me, and got tired of  me.

I can’t imagine my life back then, having these episodes of crying that I can’t stop and help myself.

For all those nights I wish I was gone and doesn’t want to feel that pain.

But now as I look back and recall, I just laugh it off and smiled because I survived!

I met someone a long the way.

This was unexpected.

I joined a group chat and there I saw her picture, there was this feeling I can’t explain what I’m feeling that this person is something.

I started talking to her, add her on Facebook after the first group chat was closed 🙂

We started chatting, did voice calls and eventually started video chat.

Whenever I hear her voice, it gives me this excitement, joy and automatically makes me smile.

Is this love at first sight. Or it’s because of what happened to me?

I always feel happy whenever I hear her voice.

We’ve met in person, and it was one of the best night in my life.

I was overwhelmed with what happened, see her face to face.

I wished that night never ended.

The way she hold my hand, melts my heart.

The way I’m always on the safe side of the road, how I feel safe whenever I leaned on her shoulders, made me feel safe and secured.

I never felt that way for a very long time.

Her sweet scent made me crazy. It’s like an addicting scent (am I way too much, I guess). But it’s true I don’t know. 🙂

The way she made me sure I’m always okay and fine.

haaayyy…. That feeling, I know it will not last.

It’s a month now since we’ve been talking and chatting w/ each other.

I know she’s afraid of getting hurt again, being in this situation for a few times now and doesn’t want to have the same mistakes again.

I understand her, and I get it.

She said, take it slow and enjoy the moment together.

We’ll never know what the future brings.

She said she likes me and that’s it.

Well, I don’t want to rush things too but I can’t help myself but to fall in love.

I know it’s too early to feel this way but this is how I feel.

Should I stop myself from feeling this way. Should I tell my heart to stop loving you?

I am supressing this feeling not to love you yet. But I don’t know till when I can hold.

I don’t know what’s going in your mind, and your plans.

Help me to undo this feeling. Help me to unloved you.

I know you’re busy with everything that’s going on in your house and tita duties and all.

But, can you just at least let me know that you’re too sleepy to wait for me or just send me a message, not like me waiting or thinking what happened or I’ll just assumed.

I hate being left out in the open, or it’s just me being absurd.

But I hate this. I will let you know if what’s going and not just sleep it in or just ignore or whatever.

Well I think I have to get used to this, I don’t have the right.

We don’t have anything.

I should start to undo this feeling.

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