Hey it’s me.

After over a year I come back to you. Nothing better, nothing worse.

Well no I take that back. I have a job. I still feel the chain around my neck dragging me down deeper and deeper.

Friends say “reach out to me! i’ll be there.” Of course you will but I love you too much to let you inside my fucked up head and drag you down too.

I’m fine with the mask I wear. Normal and perfectly vanilla. There’s nothing wrong, I’m fine. I’m just tired. I just have a headache. Nah work was just busy. Smile. Just keep fucking smiling. You can do this. 

Inside the tumultuous waves of emotion take over me. Screaming and trying to take a breath before I sink under again. You would never know because I’m smiling. I don’t want you to know I’m slowly unraveling inside.

Nightmares. Fuck Nightmares. Fuck the dreams I wake up from that are happy. The cold reality as cold as my first steps are getting out of bed.

I simply exist. I survive. I used to fight but what’s the point. I just want to fall asleep and stay asleep. For that I’m selfish.

One thought on “Hey it’s me.”

  1. Then if you want, tell us on here. Tell you “not” friends, there will be no bad feelings therefore in dragging them into your messed up minds and nightmares.
    What are the emotions? Positive? More likely negative. But why, what are they? How are they triggered. Can they be resolved somehow?
    Talk if you want, I (for one) will be here to listen. Get it out, see if it helps.

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