sleep won’t stop it.

i have panic attacks when i’m asleep.


i have panic attacks in the daytime too.


recently i’ve really wanted to die. again. i’m exhausted and cold and jittery and angry. i’ve been thinking a lot, and i don’t know what i’m going to do or what i want to do.


i’m so scared. i’ve been avoiding all of my responsibilities… i feel disgusting and gross and afraid and just not well.


i just want to feel okay and not this terrified.


writing this up makes me want to cry. there is no one for me to tell this to because no one could do anything for me anyway and it probably wouldn’t even make any sense to anyone else. it doesn’t make sense to me either. i’m just sad and anxious, all the time.

3 thoughts on “sleep won’t stop it.”

  1. I have similar anxiety attacks. Awful. I know the pain is awful and it feels like dying is better but keep going! Be a fighter!

  2. I totally understand this. Panic attacks are horrible and people don’t understand how intense they are. I get frustrated when watching a “panic attack” in a movie or on a TV show, because thats not what they’re like. No one paints the ugliness and pain of them. I get them in my sleep too, although I haven’t for a while. Waking up in the middle of the night unable to breathe is a horrible feeling.
    I know almost nothing works to stop them and its so hard to focus on anything besides the panic, but I try to trace the ABCs backwards with my foot. You have to think of the previous letter and if you can force your mind to focus on that it tends to help the panic attack go away faster (although, sometimes stopping a panic attack just prolongs it until your brain forces another one, at least for me).
    I’m sorry. I hope you know you’re not alone, and maybe you kind find some solace in that.

    And I hate when people tell me this but… things will get better. Stability finds everyone at some point (and I feel very close to it, but a few years away still), and with the stability comes peace.

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