Lately, I’ve been so unmotivated to do anything at all. I have no energy to wake up in the morning even though I’ve had a good 8 hours of sleep. I have no appetite to eat even my fave food or snacks. I just want to stay in my room all day isolated even when I have the ‘go’ signal to do absolutely anything I want. I think it’s becoming worrisome and unhealthy for me and the people around me.
I think I know reason behind it—my line of career—but I don’t really know how to fix it. See, the career path I took wasn’t really by choice, and I was never really fond of it. But I had to stay. I felt guilty even the thought of leaving it because I was very much supported by my loved ones, especially my parents. So…for me to even think of leaving my profession made me feel all sorts of emotions. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Plus, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I did decide to take another path because I grew up, simply, spoiled. My life was well planned out by someone else already. I grew up not having to make one choice about my life. I had everything I needed and everything was handed to me so easily that I barely had to move a finger. Sure, it was good then, but thinking back, I wish I have had the chance to experience the reality and have the real world slap me in the face since back then. That way I was more prepared for the future, for today. Because now just the slightest stress takes me down and overwhelms me. Obviously, I don’t handle stress too well.
I just resigned from my job a couple months ago due to a lot of reasons but mainly I was burnt out and I had too many mental breakdowns that it wasn’t safe for anyone if I continue to stay in my position. But, I didn’t decide to leave my profession just yet. I think I should at least give it a second chance before actually deciding something so major. After all, I did work hard to get where I am today. After all, I did make a lot of people proud and relieved after all I’ve gone through. After all, I am so lucky and I’m sure a lot of people desire a profession as I have. So, despite the stress (that every job has), the hard work (that every job requires), and the long hours that takes me away from having an outside life, wouldn’t it be better if I try again and look at the bright side of it all instead of regretting it later on in life? After all, all of these were decided for me so that I’ll have a good future and a good life.
I just feel like it’s so much more difficult to find enthusiasm in anything if you simply dislike it. And maybe that’s why I’ve been procrastinating in finding a new job because in my head I already know how much I’ll hate it.
Maybe there’s a solution. Maybe not a way out but maybe more of a compromise between what I want and what I need. Any proposal? Suggestions? Ideas?