Im friggin trying here!!


There are days where all hell breaks loose and i want to write it sown but i dont and then there are days were i write everything down and its completely  usless, not sure were im standing today but i felt i should leave something here.

Holidays are truly over,birthday passed and now were in the second week of January. I made a resolution that i could keep for once. I vowed to try. In every aspect of my life i will atleast “try” to do or be better. It sounded so simple, heh…it’s not. 

My sister is going to graduate from high school and go to college. Im ecstatic, everything  i gave up to raise her has paid off ,because at this milestone in her life was the time mine had to stop. All these years this was the goal, now its here and shes an angry ,socially awkward,germaphobic smart ass teenager. And shes just informed us that shes getting the hell away from our mom and moving on campus. 

GOOD!! I should have been happy,i was but then i realized the living arrangement that we have means that if shes leaves the household my mom has to move out and find  somewere else to live. So do i. All because teenage angst thinks that she can handle living on her own away from my mom.  Im stuck in the middle of the  love hate relationship between these two wenchs…”try to understand her point but realize she dosent care about her family.

Then we have love, still with my significant other,and everyday i wonder about our relationship. Is it the real deal. Do i just not want to be alone due to my huge change of lifestyle and health? Am i settling? More importantly will i get laid anytime soon?  Im depressed with not much mojo but even i question why hes not trying to dry hump me when he gets the chance.  In past relationships its never been a problem,sex for a man is a needs and i fulfill that need. The current relationship… eh it dosent seem like a big one.touching ,feeling,intimacy  and teust but not much sex. It feels like an old couple thats been together forever. But maybe thats not a good idea? Try to communicate..

Next up ,weight. Ive been bitching about needing to loose it and actually taking the steps to do it. Eating habits are changing but im always going to be an emotional eater and struggle to find balance with it. Im handicapped and i need to accept that im not the old me anymore and make it work , so today was my first day back in the gym it felt great, it gave me hope to “get back in the saddle”  try to stay positive put the cake down. 

The moral of everything thats been said so far is that im trying to cope with everything ,good job!!!

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